Now... This: Ryan Miller Hurts My Feelings - Stab Mag

Now… This: Ryan Miller Hurts My Feelings

Renowned photographer, stock market wizard, and harsh interviewee.

Words by Jack Mutschler

After returning from a recent project with Coco and Mason Ho, surf photographer Ryan Miller has been loitering in our office. Me, being as conspicuously lazy as I am, figured he would be the perfect victim for this week’s installment of Now… This.

What makes Bad Boy Ry Ry so special? Aside from his wicked hot body, Ryan’s also been the most prolific World Tour photographer over the past decade-plus. I would offer to attach some of his finest captures, but he’ll shove an invoice up my ass quicker than you can sell your remaining DogeCoin.

Is this the best interview of all time? Depends how you slice it. Try a piece below.

Spirit animal? Make the noise, make it loud.

A domesticated monkey that cuddles up to its owner one day and then throws feces on them the next.

Ry Ry after a long day of invoicing me for this article.

I’m not making the noise, fuck you.

How much do you make a year before taxes?

Fuck you. More than I spend so you can bury the rest of it with me. How dumb does that make me?

Last animal you would want to be reincarnated as?

Panda. Imagine being stuck in a horrid wine-growing region.

Would you rather have lobster claws for hands or octopus tentacles for arms?

Octopus hands. Trading stocks with that many appendages would be a huge advantage.

Bad Boy sleeping on our couch after a losing millions in the stock market.

Ever shit your pants?

First-year the WCT was back in Rio. Sally Fitz was on the podium, and I had to shoot her for Red Bull. Tightly packed photographer pit and shit all down my legs while wearing shorts. Hung in there and finished the job.

Worst memory from Electric Acid trip with Coco and Mason?

I played hunger games to find the best bedroom at the surf camp the first night. I went looking for too long and ended up with the most shit room.

Worst drinking experience?

Anytime I can’t find a nice bottle of Bordeaux, I have bad behavior.

Think you could beat me in a foot race?

You run around and get sweaty. I’ll be here finishing my coffee.

Who would you want to share a jail cell with?

Dino Andino. Endless good stories and one of the most generous people I know. He is my #1 favorite human on tour.

If you owned a company, would you hire me?

If? I already own two companies, and you aren’t on the payroll currently. I told you an hour and a half ago to pack up Coco’s board bag. I came back, and the boards were still everywhere. Chances aren’t looking good for you going forward.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Stab Podcast: An Event We Passionately Debated For The Past 12 Months

Feedback from the WSL Finals, slaps of justice, and a Russian SUP parade.

Sep 17, 2021


Joyride Board Test: The LSD Hammer

Amateur surfer rides Noa Deane's prized step-up at Kirra and The Box.

Sep 17, 2021


Red Bull No Contest, Mexico: A Surfer’s Guide To Scoring Like A Local In Southern Mexico

Inside Barra de la Cruz culture with Mateus Herdy and Rio Waida.

Sep 16, 2021

Fourteen World Titles Worth Of Wisdom, Unpacked

What we learned from listening closely to Mick and Kelly during the WSL Finals.

Sep 16, 2021


Watch: Jack Robinson Wastes No Parts Of The Buffalo

Five minutes from Western Australia's finest.

Sep 16, 2021

The Connection Between Growing Up Poor And Going On To Win World Titles

“The wealthier a town gets, the fewer really good surfers you’ll find in the water.”

Sep 15, 2021

WSL Finals Review: “I Don’t Condone (Most) Crimes, But A Helicopter And A Giant Magnet Would Make For One Incredible Heist”

Lowers was an absolute shit-show yesterday. A report from the ground.

Sep 15, 2021

Filipe Toledo May Or May Not Be The Ultimate Surfer

Episode 7 is a wrap, find out who's advancing to tomorrow's finale.

Sep 15, 2021

10 Questions With S.U.R.F. Winner Jake ‘Money Making Machine’ Vincent

How did Vinny blow his 10 G’s?

Sep 15, 2021

Carissa Moore and Gabriel Medina Are Your 2021 World Champions Of Surfing

As it should be.

Sep 14, 2021

A King Amongst Medinas: Inside Gabriel’s World Title Winning 2021

How a former South Sydney demolition man helped mastermind Gabriel Medina's Title campaign.

Sep 14, 2021

2021 WSL Finals: Live Coverage And Updates

Leave the best comment, win a free surfboard.

Sep 14, 2021

The Best WSL Event You Never Heard Of

No electricity. No running water. No wifi and no pins dropped. The Namakwa Challenge was…

Sep 14, 2021

This Is What Happens When You Steal Surfboards In Portugal

"The best type of punishment for them is not by the law."

Sep 13, 2021

Where Are Wavepools Taking Us?

Spunk-riddled cesspools or gladiatorial entertainment venues that benefit surf culture?

Sep 13, 2021

Don’t Talk To Strangers 

The Misc: On nodding terms. 

Sep 12, 2021

Everything You Never Knew You Wanted To Know About Surfing In The Great Lakes

A Michigan-born surfer returns home and breaks it down.

Sep 11, 2021

Exclusive: Kelly Slater Reveals His WSL Finals Favorites

"I hope ____ takes it because he put in the work, but my gut says…

Sep 11, 2021