Now... This: Ryan Miller Hurts My Feelings - Stab Mag
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Now… This: Ryan Miller Hurts My Feelings

Renowned photographer, stock market wizard, and harsh interviewee.

Words by Jack Mutschler

After returning from a recent project with Coco and Mason Ho, surf photographer Ryan Miller has been loitering in our office. Me, being as conspicuously lazy as I am, figured he would be the perfect victim for this week’s installment of Now… This.

What makes Bad Boy Ry Ry so special? Aside from his wicked hot body, Ryan’s also been the most prolific World Tour photographer over the past decade-plus. I would offer to attach some of his finest captures, but he’ll shove an invoice up my ass quicker than you can sell your remaining DogeCoin.

Is this the best interview of all time? Depends how you slice it. Try a piece below.

Spirit animal? Make the noise, make it loud.

A domesticated monkey that cuddles up to its owner one day and then throws feces on them the next.

Ry Ry after a long day of invoicing me for this article.

I’m not making the noise, fuck you.

How much do you make a year before taxes?

Fuck you. More than I spend so you can bury the rest of it with me. How dumb does that make me?

Last animal you would want to be reincarnated as?

Panda. Imagine being stuck in a horrid wine-growing region.

Would you rather have lobster claws for hands or octopus tentacles for arms?

Octopus hands. Trading stocks with that many appendages would be a huge advantage.

Bad Boy sleeping on our couch after a losing millions in the stock market.

Ever shit your pants?

First-year the WCT was back in Rio. Sally Fitz was on the podium, and I had to shoot her for Red Bull. Tightly packed photographer pit and shit all down my legs while wearing shorts. Hung in there and finished the job.

Worst memory from Electric Acid trip with Coco and Mason?

I played hunger games to find the best bedroom at the surf camp the first night. I went looking for too long and ended up with the most shit room.

Worst drinking experience?

Anytime I can’t find a nice bottle of Bordeaux, I have bad behavior.

Think you could beat me in a foot race?

You run around and get sweaty. I’ll be here finishing my coffee.

Who would you want to share a jail cell with?

Dino Andino. Endless good stories and one of the most generous people I know. He is my #1 favorite human on tour.

If you owned a company, would you hire me?

If? I already own two companies, and you aren’t on the payroll currently. I told you an hour and a half ago to pack up Coco’s board bag. I came back, and the boards were still everywhere. Chances aren’t looking good for you going forward.

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