Now... This: Ian Crane Is The World's Most Talented Shoobie - Stab Mag
Photo by Corey Wilson

Now… This: Ian Crane Is The World’s Most Talented Shoobie

The beach head riffs on socks with sandals, bitcoin, and Cardi B.

Words by Jack Mutschler

I’ve never met Ian Crane in person, but he’s my favorite person to call. Every interview leaves me with piss soaked pants and a stomach ache from laughing. Ninety-percent of our conversations get cut from the final product for being uncomfortably ridiculous.

When I drafted a list of potential candidates for this property, I didn’t put Ian’s name on it. Getting his interview wasn’t something I didn’t have to write down, it was a given; like getting chocolate chips in your pancakes, or double meat at Chipotle.

Scroll down for the fiesta.

Whats your spirit animal?

Golden Retriever

Happy Crane guy. Photo by Thehappypuppysite.com

What noise does a golden retriever make? Make it now, make it loud.

You got any Beach Head merch for sale?

Yeah I got this little online shop that nobody buys anything from, its pretty sick.

Bitcoin?

Yeah, but I think I sold it all. I dont know shit, my investment guru is Jacob Vanderwork, but he doesn’t know shit either. Its a craps shoot and I’m just wasting money.

You on Tik Tok?

*giggles* No, I’m fucking 27 not 14.

Whats on your Instagram explore page?

I get sucked in sometimes. I can’t stop watching pimple popping videos. The ones with small black heads, but I can’t watch the big gnarly boil ones.

Aux Cord or Radio?

Mostly radio, I got a good San Diego station, 92.5. They play everything disco and old school hip hop. 88.1 is a jazz station, good to listen to when you’re crusing around town and not in a rush.

Crane go zoom.

I got one of those bluetooth steering wheel set ups, It’s sick I can just yell at my car and call people.

Favorite new song right now?

I like that new Carid B song, she talks about her racks being up Shaq height. I like that one line that’s like “Broke boys dont deserve the kitty.”

Sweatpants or jeans.

Sweatpants, I’m all about comfort. I got these new O’neill pants, they look like normal pants on the outside but they’re lined like sweatpants on the inside. They’re the best thing ever, they’re comfy and I don’t look like a bum.

What are your comfy shoes? You got slippers or something?

I can’t really wear shoes, my toes are fucked. I’ve been wearing sandals and socks. A great combo for the morning, then you just take the sock off when it gets hot in the afternoon.

The term “shoobie” derives from the original surf blog, Rocket Power. It was used to roast someone who wear socks with flip flops.

How often you do laundry?

I usually wait until my baskets full then head to my mom’s house and spend the whole day doing laundry, I’ll go surf in between rotations.

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