“By The Same Logic, McDonalds Must Be The Best Food In The World.”
The Week That Withered by Noa’s Last Dart, with COTW selections by iHusky.
It’s the second week of the New Year and we’ve returned to standardised Stab programming – fewer holiday fillers, replaced with meatier articles for the scoundrels to devour. Let’s have a flick through the past week before we analyse the top ten, slightly above average comments of the week.
As you have surely encountered, the East Coast of the States has recently received a hefty dose of sub-arctic temperatures courtesy of bomb cyclone, Grayson. Whilst this is predominantly bad news for those in the region, it has produced some noteworthy natural phenomenon: slushy waves, ice-cold triple barrels and heaving beachies – which are probably best enjoyed behind a digital façade.
To little surprise, we also found out that Two Johns is almost as capable on the mountain as he is in the ocean when we viewed a few flips from the Florence brothers in British Columbia.
In the warmer waters of Hawaii, we saw the return of Keanu Asing; Dylan, Yago unleashed his usual aerial prowess upon the seven-mile miracle and Kelly reclaimed the limelight by nabbing a sunlit backdoor gem. The Da Hui backdoor shootout also kicked off and some have claimed it’s the best Pipeline has been all season…so far.
In grisly news, we witnessed the ghastly wipeout of Dusty Payne at Backdoor, which resulted in a broken jaw and skull. Thankfully, due to the work of the surfers and photographers in the water, Dusty will make a full recovery and will be back in the water. Dusty’s injury also kicked off the discussions about whether it’s time for us, ‘too cool for school’ surfers, to start donning protective gear when the water gets heavy.
From the South American continent, we came to terms with Brazil reefing the throne out from under the US and Aus as the world’s best surfing nation, Aritz Aranburu started off the year with waves which weren’t the nauseous, alcohol-induced kind and Gabriel was caught hot and heavy in a music video.
Stab broke down the current state of big surf biz – hot news with the latest QuikBong merger. Snake Paterson wants John to have a little more ‘Andy-like’ fire in his belly, Brendan discussed the meditative qualities of a much-needed surf and Stab spoke with QS competitors about the financial expenditures required for the qualification grind.
Kael Walsh dropped a banging two-minute clip titled, ‘Benedict’, Slow Dance’s A-quality B-sides dropped, featuring Dane and Craig, and Kolohe wedded his long-term partner in crime. Matt Banting also made a return to the world of (anti-)social media with an explanation of his recent absence.
I’ve undoubtedly missed something here, but, I’m three beers down and Australian internet is unbelievably shit – have a scroll back yourself. I haven’t had an exciting week either, however, I did learn that your female friends get the shits when you try to sleep with their other friends.
The more you know.
That’s enough from me as I’m fairly certain no-one actually reads this, so let’s get to what we’re all here to see; COTW.
Here’s the selection courtesy of our binary K-9, iHusky.
10. Is Brazil Basically A Sand Bottom Skatepark
9. Was Winterstorm Grayson Overhyped?
8. Snowing, Windy, Pumping And Oh So Cold! Maine, Yesterday
7. What Does It Cost To Qualify For The CT?
6. Watch: The Backdoor Wipeout That Sent Dusty Payne To The Hospital This Morning
5. Watch: The Florence Brothers Are Very Good At Snowboarding
5. Surprise: Matt Banting Is Back!
3. Brazil Is Officially The World’s Best Surfing Nation
2. Is It Time For Surfers To Start Wearing Protective Gear?
Rio Waida Has Been Surfing Onshore, Oversized Bells Alone
...and he might not go home all year.
John Florence Releases Long-Form Piece On The 243km Great Ocean Squiggle
Tourism Victoria going, ‘he just did our job for us’.
Japanese Rice Farmer Enjoys Frightening Sumatran West Bowls
Kaito Ohashi is on his best behavior.
Watch: When People Like This Speak, We Listen
Raw, extended conversations with Clyde Aikau and Eddie Aikau winner Luke Shepardson.
Diamond Tail = Diamond Hands?
We'll explain everything in the Rusty D-Min Joyride.
Behold Australia’s Nine & NZ’s Two Challenger Series Qualifiers*
May the Southern Cross smile upon you at Snapper.
An Unordinary Life Structured Around A Tidal Bore
Long Read: The life and times of Pete Beachy.
Sun Room: The Overnight Success Of A Young Surf Band
What's it like touring the world and living off of McDonald's?
How Surfers Get Paid, Episode 6
An instructional manual for the modern professional surfer
Globe Pulls Out Of The Apparel Game
…and, Taj Burrow and Dion Agius are now looking for new main sponsors.
Owen Wright Announces Retirement From Competitive And Heavy-Water Surfing
But will surf final CT event at Bells.
Fancy An Ale, Some Good Music, And A Bunch Of Tubes?
Ballet's minimalist full-length will satiate your needs.
Take Stab’s 2023 Audience Survey, Win A 3-Board Quiver
Stab towels and Premium subscriptions also up or grabs.
Jessi Miley Dyer On The New Challenger Series Schedule And More
Did you know that you could miss the mid-year cut and still theoretically win the…
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