“By The Same Logic, McDonalds Must Be The Best Food In The World.”

The Week That Withered by Noa’s Last Dart, with COTW selections by iHusky.

style // Jan 14, 2018

Words by stab

Reading Time: 4 minutes

It’s the second week of the New Year and we’ve returned to standardised Stab programming – fewer holiday fillers, replaced with meatier articles for the scoundrels to devour. Let’s have a flick through the past week before we analyse the top ten, slightly above average comments of the week.

As you have surely encountered, the East Coast of the States has recently received a hefty dose of sub-arctic temperatures courtesy of bomb cyclone, Grayson. Whilst this is predominantly bad news for those in the region, it has produced some noteworthy natural phenomenon: slushy waves, ice-cold triple barrels and heaving beachies – which are probably best enjoyed behind a digital façade.

To little surprise, we also found out that Two Johns is almost as capable on the mountain as he is in the ocean when we viewed a few flips from the Florence brothers in British Columbia.

In the warmer waters of Hawaii, we saw the return of Keanu Asing; Dylan, Yago unleashed his usual aerial prowess upon the seven-mile miracle and Kelly reclaimed the limelight by nabbing a sunlit backdoor gem. The Da Hui backdoor shootout also kicked off and some have claimed it’s the best Pipeline has been all season…so far.

In grisly news, we witnessed the ghastly wipeout of Dusty Payne at Backdoor, which resulted in a broken jaw and skull. Thankfully, due to the work of the surfers and photographers in the water, Dusty will make a full recovery and will be back in the water. Dusty’s injury also kicked off the discussions about whether it’s time for us, ‘too cool for school’ surfers, to start donning protective gear when the water gets heavy.

From the South American continent, we came to terms with Brazil reefing the throne out from under the US and Aus as the world’s best surfing nation, Aritz Aranburu started off the year with waves which weren’t the nauseous, alcohol-induced kind and Gabriel was caught hot and heavy in a music video.

Stab broke down the current state of big surf biz – hot news with the latest QuikBong merger. Snake Paterson wants John to have a little more ‘Andy-like’ fire in his belly, Brendan discussed the meditative qualities of a much-needed surf and Stab spoke with QS competitors about the financial expenditures required for the qualification grind.

Kael Walsh dropped a banging two-minute clip titled, ‘Benedict’, Slow Dance’s A-quality B-sides dropped, featuring Dane and Craig, and Kolohe wedded his long-term partner in crime. Matt Banting also made a return to the world of (anti-)social media with an explanation of his recent absence.

I’ve undoubtedly missed something here, but, I’m three beers down and Australian internet is unbelievably shit – have a scroll back yourself. I haven’t had an exciting week either, however, I did learn that your female friends get the shits when you try to sleep with their other friends.

The more you know.

That’s enough from me as I’m fairly certain no-one actually reads this, so let’s get to what we’re all here to see; COTW.

Here’s the selection courtesy of our binary K-9, iHusky.