The top 8 cutest boys of the Quiksilver Pro

Musings by Ali Klinkenberg

Sifting through the man soup that is the Quiksilver Pro, Snapper Rocks is no easy assignment. Gauging a man’s attractiveness is something that few women are fit to do – they’re too easily wooed and distracted. No, we need objectivity, precision, and, just a sprinkle of ruthlessness. In short, it needs a man’s touch. Now before you get too carried away this isn’t some latent piece of homosexual literature (no Tennessee Williams here), not that there’d be a problem if it was. It’s more of a mutual appreciation society kinda deal. Admiring another man’s beauty is not necessarily gay, and there’s nothing more attractive to a woman than a man being comfortable with his own sexuality. Food for thought.

Mr Flores, photographed by Morgan Maassen for Stab issue 71.

Jeremy Flores.
Ooh la la, Monsieur Florez. For starters, being an exotic Frenchman (Réunion) doesn’t do Jez any harm. But it’s more than that. It’s those dark dusky eyes, that coco-coloured skin, c’est manifique. Knowing Jeremy as we do, his fire only enhances his attractiveness. And he likes to party too, “When I won the Pipe Masters I partied for two years.” A fun, beautiful Frenchman. Don’t expect Jeremy to have any trouble finding a companion to warm the lonely shackles of a Gold Coast night. The great Hank Moody once said, “Better a morning of awkwardness than an evening of loneliness.” Amen, Moody.

Mr Bourez, thank you. Photo: Ryan Miller/Red Bull Content Pool

Michel Bourez.
Michel Bourez is the only guy on the WSL that you can envisage oil brushed onto the side of a Greek gourd. However, the Spartan’s not on the list purely for his physique. Nah, Mich’s pretty too. He’s got that new age steroid fed chicken look crossed with the blood of a polynesian lord. And, like monsieur Flores, there’s nothing sexier than a physically adept dark-skinned man speaking English with a dusky French twang.

The (multi) million dollar smile. Photo: Jimmy Lees

Julian Wilson.
Most punters would agree that Julian Wilson’s the most beautiful man on the WSL Championship tour. But, for me, he’s a little too white bread. Gorgeous, sure, but I need a little more flavour, more spice. I think that my distaste for the W.A.S.P (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) comes from my own guilt. The guilt of being white, the guilt of being so painfully middle-class. At least I gots a fruity surname though. ‘Wilson’ certainly doesn’t move Jules any further up the list.

Salt o’ this earth, this gent.

Ricardo Christie.
Here’s a surprise! Ricardo’s on this list for a couple of reasons. One is that hair. So thick, so springy, so healthy. Two is Ricardo’s style. The tour’s a pretty bleak sphere for fashion sense. Rick’s pork pie hat and greenstone necklace may not be the most fashion forward look, but in a world of thongs, shorts and branded energy drink baseball hats, it’s refreshing if nothing else.

Grrr. Photo: OuterKnown

Kelly Slater.
Scrolling through the photos on the WSL Championship tour photo’s there’s one mug shot that you can’t avoid. KS’s steely blue eyes stare straight into your measly soul. And the picture’s only the size of a thumb tack. Seeing him in that bar on the first night of the event is even more overwhelming, cue blushing and giggles. The 11 times champ is the epitome of growing old gracefully. Many men are forced to embrace baldness, but KS is baldness. He’s overtaken Lex Luthor as the most identifiable bald man ever. And, instead of trying to defeat superman, he may in fact be superman.

The face that Alana Blanchard wakes up to most mornings. Photo: Kane Skennar

Jack Freestone.
Jack’s Abercrombie-beautiful. Tall, handsome, athletic, and, he’s got a lovely smile. Never underestimate the power of a positive attitude in determining beauty. Jacky’s quintessentially British looks lead me to believe that in different circumstances he could’ve attended Eton with Prince Harry, he’d look smashing in a set of robes. Jack’s from the Gold Coast and, uh, dates Alana Blanchard. That in itself makes him even more desirable to other women. As long as he keeps smiling that smile, his place on this list is well justified.

The wildcards:

And never did a stronger Twitter profile picture exist.

Travis Logie.
Travis Logie’s made a slick transition from World Tour surfer to WSL Qualifying series commissioner. All I can say is, “Permission to come aboard, commissioner?” I spotted Travis from across the bar on our first swing at the Gold Coast night life and he was, well, glowing! Travis is short in stature (not usually my type) but has the most beautiful skin in surfing. There’s no sign of ex pro surfer sun damage here. Just a painfully even golden tan. On our way for a slay at D’bah the other day after it was confirmed that Trav’s tan was an all over affair, a back so mono tonal that it looked like he’d been dipped in chocolate.

Oli’s game isn’t one of traditional good looks – it’s one of charm and chat. Photo: Tom Carey

Oli Kurtz.
Oli Kurtz dropped by Stab’s Goldy HQ two nights ago. We drank wine and listened to some jazz, and Oli had us hanging off his every word. He told us about making love on beaches, and wooing attractive young baristas, and with such enthusiasm and spirit! Oli’s on this list because he’s charming. Do you ever have that thing where you’re talking to another male, and you’re so captivated by them, that although you’re a certified heterosexual, and your record is unblemished (kinda), you just want to lean in and kiss them on the lips? Just me?