Stab Recommends: Peeling Off Those Stickers!

The concept of being a sponsored surfer has ruined line-ups the world over. 

The irony is that the time that having a sticker on the beak of your craft meant something (ie. when the surf industry was hip and making money), was the time that they were handing them out most freely, see also: to the most unskilled surfers.

Now? Come on. I’m holed up in one of the most desolate corners of the third world I’ve ever been (looks like Mad Max the original), there’s a left point out the front that can only be described as Snapper the wrong way where you can walk out the back and stand and wait for a drainer (no rip to siphon the floaters) and I’m getting whistled off waves by guys (and girls) with stickers who can barely stand up.

The fact that Seabass is paddling around without a sticker on his beak, and in far-flung corners of the globe surfers are back paddling, pointing at the sticker on their crafts as justification for doing so, and then blowing takeoffs would be laughable if you didn’t have to watch so many mindless spinners rifling off unridden. Here’s five things to ease the blood pressure.

Life’s Better In… A 2/2

Boardshorts float the surf industry (barely at times) but they’re uncomfortable to surf in. A 2/2 short arm is the premier surfing garment. No wind chill, a little sun protection, support for the hinges and they make you look like you surf 12% better. Bong’s rubber is soft to the touch, stretchy as hell and won’t fray after a season.

Free the arms, protect the hinges.

A Moment Of Honesty

There’s the rest of the ‘surf’ industry, and there’s Saturdays, and that’s if they’ll let us claim them. Unsurprisingly, their black trunk game is as good as anyone else’s, and then there’s the rest of the range…

Go on, you know you want to.

Oh The Hypocrisy!

The anti-plastic thing’s great until you hit the road. From the moment you step out the door it’s an endless barrage of the non-perishable stuff. BYO bottle’s a must, and Hydroflasks are chic and sturdy.

All you can do is try.

The Silhouette That Built An Empire 

Had a pair of these that got stolen from out the front of an old girlfriend’s parent’s house in one of Sydney’s wealthiest suburbs. I was allowed in (barely), cherry Vans after a summer of no socks, were not. Eight years and two girlfriends later, I’d still rock a pair. It’s no coincidence that this company’s been so successful. The ‘if it ain’t broke…’ theory is the most solid form of commerce. 

Simply timeless. 

Grown Men (Apparently) Wear Shorts

I wear shorts for surfing, running and sleeping. Nothing else. Morgan Williamson, on the other hand (for those who don’t know the man, he looks like Bradley Cooper, with the demeanour of Chevy Chase’s character in Caddy Shack) loves airing the knees. “They’re corduroy, cut a few inches above the knee, have an elastic waistband and the material is stretchy enough for activities including but not limited to: karate kicks, jumping fences after midnight, dance routines, light-to-heavy stretching, sitting at a desk and eating burritos. I have multiple pairs, they’re the best shorts I’ve ever owned.” Ok.

Hey, it’s your life.