Stab Magazine | Rob Machado: How Big Is Your...
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Rob Machado: How Big Is Your…

House: Two stories siting above a hot little surf spot called Cardiff Reef. The block I live on is about 1500 square feet but you’re all about metres. Americans are the only fucked-up ones who don’t use the metric system. But you can figure it out. There are three bedrooms and one parking spot. Car: […]

style // Feb 22, 2016
Words by stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

House:
Two stories siting above a hot little surf spot called Cardiff Reef. The block I live on is about 1500 square feet but you’re all about metres. Americans are the only fucked-up ones who don’t use the metric system. But you can figure it out. There are three bedrooms and one parking spot.

Car:
A 2006 Nissan Quest mini van but I like to refer to it as the “man van”. There’s a tight little group of us dads back home that sport the “man van”. You gotta be a man to drive one. Family:

A wife and two grommettes aged six and three.

Appetite:
Pretty solid, I eat all day long so it’s weird that I’m so thin. I wish I could tell you why I’m so damn skinny.

Group of Myspace/Facebook friends:
I’ve got 3667 friends on Myspace. Imagine that! Wow! I don’t do Facebook.

Guitar collection:
I have five guitars but my favourite axe is a toss-up between the 73 Fender Strat’ and the 68 Martin.

Punch:
I wouldn’t know the size of my own punch because I’ve never hit anyone. I’m a scratcher and a kicker.

Biggest wave:
I’m not much of a big wave hero but I’ve ridden a couple of monsters in my time. Scary stuff.

Wardrobe:
It fluctuates. The old thrift store collection is holding steady and the Hurley wardrobe constantly upgrades itself.

Hair:
I just cut an inch off the fro the other day because I was chewing on it. It’s pretty solid, maybe 10 inches high.

Penis:
A top-notch reliable trooper. I’m happy with it. If you want dimensions call my wife.

Favourite board: A 5’2” Biscuit shaped by Al Merrick. I’ll ride anything on that little bad boy. Cheers Al, love ya!

Quiver:
All kinds of awesome crap. I just pulled into Bali with 14 boards. I had to cut off my left nut to get through customs but at the end of the day it was worth it. I got the Biscuit, lots of 5’11” shred models and a few bigger sleds in my Bali quiv but back home I also have some pieces of wood that go really fast, a 6’8” single-fin and a couple of stand-up paddle boards. i

Pod:
I got a few: 32 gigs, 60 gigs, and two gigs. I got em all ‘cause I gotta have music all the time. Lately I’ve been listening to Jack’s new record, Money Mark, Brett Dennen. and Jon Swift.

Camera:
A neat little 1973 Polaroid.

Waist:
I’m a 31 when I’m bloated with Californian junk food but I’ll slip into a pair of size 29 trunks after a month of the squirts in Bali.

Carbon footprint:
Always too big. I’m working on offsetting that right now. I just installed a solar system in my house, planted some trees and now only drive my car when it’s totally necessary.

Dream Woman:
The mother of my girls.

Contract:
I kind find the papers right now so I can’t give you the exact figures but I will say I get paid well to ride bumps of water in the ocean and for that I’m thankful.

Art collection:
It depends what you call art but I got some legit pieces. I’m a fan of Thomas Campbell’s work and I’ve got a few of his efforts.

Trophy cabinet:
No cabinet because I only have one trophy but it’s the only trophy I need and it rides high on the mantle. I got it for winning the Pipe Masters in 2000. The trophy is a sculpture of Gerry Lopez bottom turning at Pipe. Sweet.

Library:
My library ain’t huge, I’ve got maybe 30 books from various authors including Carlos Casteneda and the Dalai Lama. I’m reading a good one right now by Robin Sharma called The Saint, The Surfer and the CEO. My wife gave it to me.

Libido:
Not unusually sizey but we all need love, right?

Thirst:
I don’t really have one, I’ll sip a little red wine here or there but I’m not big on the booze.

Laptop:
A 15” Mac daddy that I use for corresponding with fine publications like Stab and collecting photos of my family and friends. Props to Stevie Jobs and his team.

Foot:
9 1/2.

Ego:
In check. I wish that word didn’t exist, it causes problems.

Highest air:
I got all three fins out the other day, man. Bring it on Dane!

Brain:
Pretty close to standard in size I’d say it’s just that my hair makes my head look big.

Tax bill:
Pretty extraordinary, I try not to think about it, I try to think of it as being fun, “Yippee!!! I get to help pay for the war. Yay!”

Wallet:
I honestly don’t have one, I have a big wad of crap in my pocket. Right now I’m carrying a scrunched up bunch of Indo rupiah, receipts, credit cards and my drivers license.

Handshake:
My shake is weak. I hate those cats that try to squeeze your hand off to show how rad they are. I’m totally down with the Japanese, they got it figured out with the bow. The bow will do me.

Memory:
Not large. I can’t remember what happened yesterday, I surfed I think. No, wait, that was today.

Phone:
The Motorola V555 Boost bomber. Sounds cool, huh? TV :
I got a plasma that someone gave me. It’s really big and mounted on my wall but I can’t remember the last timer I turned it on.

Pain threshold:
I experienced the most physical and mental pain ever last year when I paddled on a stand up paddleboard from Maui to Molokai. It’s 25 miles of open ocean and it almost broke me.

Motorbike:
I had a YZ80 when in was 12. It kicked ass. These days in Bali I ride a 125 moped but I’ve recently replaced it with a 70s style 200 I found.

Interest in politics:
Very little, why would I be interested in lies?

Religious belief:

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