My 10 regrets

FRED PATACCHIA, 32, SUNSET BEACH, HAWAII.

Interview by Mimi LaMontagne | Photo by Tom Carey

A note from Freddy: “I’m pretty unapologetic about most things. I’m outspoken in everything I do. I look at almost everything as life experience, and because of that I don’t regret much. This was a difficult interview!”

1. JUMPING OFF SNAPPER: I regret ever trying to jump off the Snapper Rock. I’ve chipped a tooth, I’ve broken boards and I just don’t do it anymore. The first time I tried I didn’t know when to jump, so I went right as a wave was coming and it popped my board into my face, chipped my tooth and washed me back onto the rocks. Then the next time I jumped off it pushed me back into the rock and broke a fin before I even got to surf. So I’m scared of the whole thing and I refuse to do it anymore. I wish I never tried.

2. I WISH I HAD KIDS SOONER: My kids are pretty awesome and they’re a lot of fun. I want to have a big family too and it would have been nice to start sooner. I have a little girl that’s two, Lily, and we’re expecting another in five months. If I had gotten to experience the joy of having kids earlier I might be on my third right now rather than my second. I’m thinking I’d like three as a minimum, five or six maximum, but it’s not really my decision. We’ll see how much my wife lets me go for it.

3. NOT DATING A STRIPPER: I’ve always regretted not dating a stripper. There’s something about strippers that entices young, single men. I think it’s their confidence – to be able to do what they do. They’re crazy and wacky and I regret never experiencing that. I’d like to actually date one not just hang out. I’ve had friends that have done it and it seemed so fun. They’re an interesting kind of woman. I’d want to get one of the nut-jobs though, coming after you with her fuckin stiletto heels and stuff. Ha, my wife even knows about that one.

4. TOILET SEAT ETIQUETTE: I regret not putting the toilet seat down at a younger age. It’s hard to teach an older dog new tricks and I never remember to put it down now. I mean, the crazy thing was I had two sisters but I was the only boy, so I was kind of pampered – a mama’s boy – and my sisters just said “Ok, Fred doesn’t want to put it down, he doesn’t have to.” And now it’s hard! I’m not trained to, and I wish I was.

5. USING AN UNFAMILIAR LAUNDRY DETERGENT: I wish I never used the Surf laundry detergent this week. It was bad. It had this weird chemical smell that gave me the worst headache and I had to re-do all my laundry. And I’ve been in Australia for almost a month so it was a pretty big wash. It’s so time consuming it sucks! Sitting there and waiting for it, and then putting it in the fuckin dryer. Bah.

6. NOT CHEATING ON MY GAL: I regret not cheating on my first girlfriend Jen-Belle. I was 16 and I’ll never forget her. She was my first love and she was so hot too. She cheated on me and I felt like I should have been doing the same. She set me up to be the human I am today – horrible. I broke up with her as soon as I found out but we got back together. Then I cheated on her so I felt a little better. I just wanted to do it first. It was terrible, though, because I treated women like shit for a little while after that.

7. ALL THE GALS I WAS MEAN TO: That’s my next regret, all the other women that I was mean to after that. I apologise but it wasn’t all my fault. The being-a-womaniser phase lasted a pretty long time and that’s when the stripper phase started coming in. Because if you’re gunna date a nice girl that’s cheating on you, you might as well date a stripper chick that you know is gunna be cheating. That way you have no illusions about anything.

8. NOT HOOKING UP WITH KATE BOSWORTH: It was during the filming for Blue Crush. She wasn’t famous just yet. Sanoe Lake (Lena), the Roxy girl that was in the movie with her, fully came to me one day and said, “I’ve got a friend that wants to meet you. We’re doing this movie together and she doesn’t know anybody here.” I’d just come in from surfing and wasn’t really thinking about it. I was hungry and started eating this plate of food with my hands right in front of her. I didn’t put it together; she wasn’t famous, and she wasn’t that hot at the time. But now she’s smokin and I regret it. Maybe I’m being delusional but I think she was into me.

9. COMING IN LATE ON MY NEW DIET: I regret not going on this diet that I’ve been on for the last year-and-a-half. I feel great now. Eating the correct foods really makes a difference, especially if you want to be an athlete and compete at the highest level. I didn’t realise that when I was a kid. I ate whatever I wanted and thought that training could get me through everything but you need that combination of both training and diet. It makes such a difference as a professional athlete.

10. BUT, I DON’T GOT ANY REGRETS, SURF-WISE: I don’t have a lot of free surf regrets. I don’t mind missing waves. I’m not one of those guys that froths out saying, Oh, Snapper is gonna be good, or here is gonna be good, I need to be there and I’ll freak out if I miss out. I’m one of those guys that’s more here for the good time. I have a lot of heat regrets but if you don’t have of those you’re never gunna learn from any of your mistakes. I have a cumulative of regrets in heats, not just one in particular.