Comments Of The Week, Edition 74

Here at Stab, we’re all for idealism, the dignity of pure research, and the pursuit of truth in all its forms. But we’re coming to a point where we’re beginning to suspect that the entire multidimensional infinity of the universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. And if it comes to a choice between spending yet another ten million years finding that out, and on the other hand just taking the money and running, then we for one could do with the exercise.

*

07. Michael Dunphy Searches For Paradise Three Times

“Dunphy calling Stab Offices
– Thanks Stab ya fuckwits. You put my clip up at the same time as Dane goes to jail and Mick basically does anything. Who the fuck is gonna watch it with those two articles up. Cheers!” — Striders Top Button

*

06. Here’s How Owen Wright’s First Heat Back Unfolded:

“anyone only just noticed the FUCKING HUGE 5-head Owen has!!! that forehead is an absolute solar panel! fuck me, his head’s probably got a higher literage than my groveller (48.9L ..7’6 Hypto) Maybe i’ve only just noticed because of the injury…poor cunt looks like he’s already rocking a gath helmet.

PS congrats on overcoming all odds etc etc etc” — Dads 7’6 Hypto Krypto

“also his cocks as big as my arm so ill just fucking drop it.” — Dads 7’6 Hypto Krypto > Dads 7’6 Hypto Krypto

*

05. Gabriel Medina’s Step-Father Charlie Has Been Suspended By The WSL

“This is the year when Gabby becomes Andy and John John becomes Kelly. Without the supervision of his boyfriend, Gabby will develop an alcohol dependency and John John’s hair will begin falling out leaving him with nothing but a clean image and a Hurley contract. Gabby will perish in a Guatemalan hotel room with a prolapsed arsehole and John John will continue to be a wet blanket that surfs good. WSL is available on NetFlix the end.” — Wiggolly’s Paddling Style

*

04. Kelly Slater Elaborates On His Call For A “Serious Shark Cull” On Reunion Island

“Feeling really fucked over right now. Like learning wiggs has been James b all along and I’ve been upvoting him” — dontneednochokebrain

“Na I hate that cunt.” — Wiggolly’s Paddling Style > dontneednochokebrain

“Upvoting you, but if I learn that you’re joiny, I’M going to feel really fucked over.” — Occ Topus > dontneednochokebrain

*

03. Dane Reynolds And Craig Anderson’s Former Is Alive

“How about a dedicated passport pocket in those shorts.” — Michael Newman

*

02. Dane Reynolds Held In Custody In Portugal

“He’s just sussing out the prison fashion scene for the Former launch.” — Noa’s last dart

“Fuck they took his shoe laces so he can’t even put his soap on a rope.” — Sunny Garcia’s cell mate > Noa’s last dart

*

01. Dane Reynolds Released From Custody In Portugal (And How It Happened)

“Drumpf got him out fast on a few conditions: (1) Make your clothes in the USA (2) power the factory with coal and (3) nothing too gay please.” — walter-r-white

“I pulled a few strings but I own his ass now. Look our for the new Drumpf wave pool in North Carolina with Dane Reynolds as mascot. I have also added Portugal to the travel ban just to show em who’s boss.” — Donald Drumpf’s Red Tie > walter-r-white