When Life Gives You Tradewinds, Vortex Some Beers - Stab Mag

When Life Gives You Tradewinds, Vortex Some Beers

And land some giant punts, while you’re at it.

cinema // Apr 29, 2023
Words by Holden Trnka
Reading Time: < 1 minutes

Urban Dictionary: Vortex

When a male species spins a bottle of alcohol beverage up In the air, so he can skull it back in one go.

Good fun.

Not quite comparable to getting repeatedly spat out of slabbing pits (see 2:14) or landing absurdly large shiftys (see entire video), but good fun nonetheless.

A “male species” in his natural habitat.

“Puerto Rico is funny, it could be Hawaii perfection, and you always think it’s gonna be like that — and then it ends up being windy everyday,” Ian Crane laughs. “It’s always dangling the carrot in front of your eyes like, “Tomorrow is gonna be the day! We’re gonna get blown out of barrels,” and then it’s just tradewinds again.

It had been 12 days of the forecast saying it should be firing everyday and it was just all wind.”

With the help of Puerto Rican goof Dwight Pastrana, Stab High(way) champ Ian Crane and Brett Barley still enjoyed their time in the Caribbean’s parallelogram archipelago.

“It’s still the sickest place ever, the local guys are epic. Dwight Pastrana is the coolest dude, he rips super hard,” Crane continues fondly. “And, even with tradewinds, you’re surfing overhead, powerful waves in boardshorts. It’s better than surfing 2 foot T-street in a full suit.”

Tap in for ‘Mofungo’ — and enjoy a lesson in making the most of an ENE and breezy forecast.


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