Team Blonde takes it all.

Team Tan Wins Stab Highway California, Ian Crane Takes Home The Monster Air

Meet your ultimate surfers.

features // Jul 25, 2022

Words by Coral McDuffee

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Well, that’s a wrap.

After eight days, 119 challenges, and one too many burritos (sorry, Eithan), the Tan team are your official Stab Highway CA winners.

The game started with four teams:

Team Blue: Ainara Aymat, Micky Clarke, Kai Paula, Mateus Herdy
Team Tan: Ivy Miller, Eithan Osborne, Ian Crane, Noah Wegrich
Team Red: Holly Wawn, Eric Geiselman, Kuio Young, Rolando Montes
Team Green: Balram Stack, Parker Coffin, Zoe McDougall, Jacob Szekely

When the bandana pool was still flavorful.

After the first two eliminations, the Tan and Green teams survived. Both parties fought ferociously to avoid Mall Cop’s unrelenting ax. From 20-ft acid drops to the consumption of raw bull kelp, there were precious moments of surf-reality-TV drama that strapped us to the couch. The surfers gave every challenge absolute hell.

At the end of the eighth day, the Tan team blitzed through the final relay race to become Stab Highway CA Champions and the winner of an all-expense-paid trip to Kandui Resort.

Here’s a closing thought from each member:

Noah Wegrich: Not sure if I puked or shit my pants after eating bull kelp. Also Nessy exists!

Eithan Osborne: The burrito challenge was a setup — they did it for the drama. Everyone knows a tortilla wrap is more closely related to a burrito than a slice of pizza.

Ivy Miller: I would love to see Mikey and Garrett hoover a cocktail of some substance.

Ian Crane: Left us on read, rude.

A lofty frontside grab at Ventura Pier earned Crane the Monster Air Award for Stab Highway CA. He walked away with an extra 10 G’s and, as a member of the winning team, a Kandui invite in his wallet. Crane opted to extend that invite to the green team’s dread-smoking weapon, Balaram Stack.

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Eithan won MVP/Ultimate Surfer/collector of most points. He had 60 individual points (1 more than Zeke), none of which came from a 10-point location challenge victory — kid was on the move.

We sat down with Eithan to chat about MVP things.

Stab: Hey, Eithan, what does it take to be a Stab Highway MVP?

Do first, think second.

Brilliant. How’s the Monster Tattoo holding?

It’s doing perfect — looks identical to the patch I had on my hat; the artist did a great job. It’s my second tat ever. I put it right under the first one of my dog. I think I secured that lifetime contract with Monster.

Where were you feeling your lowest on the Highway?

My lowest point was getting hangry and throwing a little temper tantrum or choking on a burrito.

I have this montage of you gagging, puking, and choking in my head. Is your stomach okay?

Yeah, that bootie juice was gross, and it made me gag; I couldn’t take watching that. And the burrito incident was my first time choking on anything. The thing had the driest tortilla ever. When I couldn’t breathe, Garrett came over and humped me. That did not do anything, but I appreciated him trying to help — everyone else just laughed.

Favorite challenge?

Acid drop for sure. Shooting the piers was also fun. Waking up early and trying to find one got old, but something about riding through the pylons is gratifying.

Are you going to get revenge on the Chapter 11 boys after the sabotage?

I’ll let Dane have it, but I’ll get Rolo and Holly back. They threw 72 eggs — not one egg hit me. They nailed the car, but I was clean.

Were your feet okay after hauling through the Ho Chi Minh trail barefoot in the final relay race?

Yeah, I’ve got grippy toes. My feet were fine, just a few scrapes from the sandstone. That was my first time on that trail, considering that it went pretty well.

Last question, will you ever eat a burrito again?

Of course, I had one this morning and ate one like three days after Highway was over.

I love the dedication, congrats on life Eithan.

The agony of the Highway had its fair share of ecstasy. Here is a gallery of those lesser publicized moments: