Surfers Eat Bull Kelp, Drink Bootie Juice, Live In Wetsuit for Six Days, Swim With Sharks, And Do Acid Drops Off A Cliff For Reality TV Glory - Stab Mag
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Curb your conscious.

Surfers Eat Bull Kelp, Drink Bootie Juice, Live In Wetsuit for Six Days, Swim With Sharks, And Do Acid Drops Off A Cliff For Reality TV Glory

A mid-season recap of Stab Highway CA, Presented by Monster Energy.

features // Jul 13, 2022
Words by Coral McDuffee
Reading Time: 4 minutes

So you’ve heard about Stab Highway California presented by Monster Energy, but you haven’t been able watch the full episodes, because you don’t have a Premium subscription?

Don’t worry, we’ll catch you up to speed.

Last Thursday, the third of five episodes dropped, and the team with the lowest point tally went home — bruised, bloody, and with broken dreams of a free trip to Kandui Resort.

And what were you doing?

That zombie style binge where you mold into the sofa.

Maybe you binged the Youtube and IG snippets from the comfort of your living room couch, while shooting the occasional snark on Stab’s social feed. 

Maybe you leveraged your connections, seeking refuge with a friend who does have Stab Premium, so you could get more than a sneak peek.

Maybe you’re more of a solo critic. You watched the first episodes then wrote us off when your favorite surfer got axed — so 2008 American Idol.

Perhaps you haven’t watched a thing but are wondering why people keep referencing Zeke’s wetsuit hole. If this is you — STOP READING.

Here are the episodes, and here is a link for a free trial — you will thank us in three hours. 

SPOILER ALERT.

On Stab Highway, there have been moments of repulsion, fear, excitement, and inspiration that we will cherish forever.

Let’s relive them below in a mid-season recap, to remember where we’re and how we’ve gotten here.

Repulsion: When the popcorn crept up the back of your throat. 

Ivy Miller went out on St. Patty’s day and chugged Guinness, Jameson, and a cup of Crane’s hair. The next day she woke up with her worst hangover ever — one that the pharmacy in her purse could not cure. Then she accidentally shit her wetsuit. Read about the incident here.

Ivy sports this tight little number for the next five days.

The meal plan on Stab Highway was raw, natural, and maybe even vegan. 

The surfers ate Bull Kelp, a Santa Cruz delicacy, known to improve hair health. As long as Noah Wegrich’s locks were flowing, the the air revs were on tap.

They washed the kelp down with fresh booty juice. The drink was fresh-brewed, straight from the bottom of a stranger’s bootie — select concoctions even had marshmallow pieces.

A mix of fear and excitement: When you thanked God, your mom, or whoever you worship, fate did not land you on this show. 

The teams paddled across the Morro Bay Harbor, roughly one mile from a spot where a person was eaten by a shark a few months prior. We didn’t know that when we made the challenge. Listen to Parker Coffin reflect on the Stab’s Podcast, The Drop.

It’s more of a sprint than a marathon here.

Micky Clarke did not fret when he was tasked with the bomb a ‘Hill on a Foam Board’ challenge. He strapped on a helmet (thank god), took a sip of the Monster Energy drink, charged the hill, and landed in Patrick Star position at the bottom. Drink still in hand, his devotion to the can goes unquestioned. Perhaps this is Stab Highway’s greatest love story.

In Nathan Fletcher’s Inaugural Acid Drop Challenge, one member from each team anchored all rational thought and descended off the cliff at Santa Cruz’s Steamer Lane, surfboard fixed to their feet. An acid drop is when a jumps from a higher obstacle (building, rock, helicopter) into a wave and rides it down the line. Click here for Nathan Fletcher’s breakdown of the trick.

Does Ethan land like a cat?

On the road down from Big Sur, the team’s stopped to shoot the Pfeiffer Beach. The surfers navigated through the keyhole on foam boards without playing ping-pong inside the rocky walls. Well, some of them.

Inspiration:  When you fixed your red boardies into a bandana and attempted five airs in one hour.

Eithan Osborne revived the Barney Roll from Shawn Barney Barron, an innovative surfer in acrobatic agility and wetsuit color. 

Holly Wawn’s leadership is inspirational. From day one, her dislike of the criteria, and the enforcer of the criteria, was evident. Instead of scrambling for brownie points, she fashioned a three-phase plan to sabotage the other team. You can read the full manifesto here.

Phase 3: Dane Reynolds to egg his protege.

Ultimately, Holly’s plan went unrewarded, as the Red Team was the first to be sent home. There are now three teams remaining, and another will be eliminated in episode 4, before the grand finale in episode 5 (with a twist!).

Watch Episode 3 of Stab Highway, presented by Monster HERE now. Episode 4 will drop Thursday at 6pm PST.

Watch Episode 1 HERE 

Watch Episode 2 HERE 

We’re currently doing a 7-day free trial, so you’ll need to add the coupon AFTER you’ve already signed up. You can do this by going to My Account > Subscriptions > Add Coupon.

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