This Is What Rock Bottom Feels Like - Stab Mag

Live Now — Episode 3 Of Surf100 Challenge Series Presented By Pacifico

534 Views
Hangovers can feel like hell is empty and all the devils are in your stomach.

This Is What Rock Bottom Feels Like

“I accidentally shit my wetsuit.”

features // Jul 3, 2022
Words by Coral McDuffee
Reading Time: 4 minutes

When it comes to surfing and hangovers, there are two camps. 

You either force the surf, head throbbing and stomach churning, thinking the rinse will ease the pain. Or you wave the white flag— ignoring friends’ calls and the urge to be a weekend warrior, you spend the day internet-surfing this page.

Selfishly, we encourage the latter.

Ivy Miller was fresh out of options on Day 2 of Stab Highway California presented by Monster Energy. Riding high off the energy of Day 1, the tan team found themselves in a Santa Cruz bar that night, celebrating St. Pattie’s Day by drinking Guinness and Jameson, occasionally mixed with Ian Crane’s hair.

Slamming an old fashioned Crano.

Ian = Irish, right?

The next day, we had an 8 am call at Steamer Lane for the Nate Fletcher Acid Drop Challenge. The tan team appeared in remarkably good form considering their activities the night prior. 

But that’s the thing about hangovers. They come in waves. 

You often wake up from a big night feeling just fine. This apparent okay-ness is due either to residual drunkenness or the fact that the poison in your stomach hasn’t been shaken up yet. Give it 30 minutes, walk around a little, maybe jump off a cliff or two, and you’ll have a more accurate idea of what your day is gonna look like. 

Replace the concrete with sand and say s-l-u-m-p-e-d.

Ivy Miller’s hangover hit around mid-morning. Despite all the chemicals and concoctions in her infamous Stab Highway pill purse, she just couldn’t get her stomach to settle. Perhaps this had to do with the fact that she was confined to her wetsuit 24/7, per the who-can-stay-in-their-wetsuit-longest challenge, and was basically baking in the sun, turning her tummy into an ethanol-keratin stew.  

All of these factors led to a moment that Ivy calls ‘rock bottom’ — not just of the trip, but potentially of her 26 years on earth. And she handled it like a fucking champ. 

We’ll let Ivy take it from here.

The worst hangover I had on Stab Highway was the night after St.Patrick’s day. I was drinking Guinness and Jameson, and I was still in a wetsuit, and then I chugged a cup of Crane’s hair. Not the best call. The next day we were struggling — the hangover vitamins didn’t work, I was feeling like shit, and then I shat in my wetsuit. 

Even though my stomach hurt, I zipped up my suit to join the boys and talk about what challenges we would complete in Santa Cruz. And that’s when it happened. I knew John [the tan team’s filmer] could see it in my face, but I was not ready to talk. 

Ivys’ tight lil number from the night prior.

I waited for the boys to paddle out before pulling out my baking soda, vinegar, and dish soap. I went to the beach, got completely naked, and put everything in my suit. I was horrified for a good four hours. 

John knew and kept saying I had to share, but I didn’t want to tell the team I had just shit myself. I can’t talk about those things — pooping, farting, all of it grosses me out. Eventually, he got me to do it. All I remember Eithan saying was, “that’s roogguueee.”

At that point, we were in Ventura, and I wanted to do some of the surf challenges because I feel like I never get taken seriously on the surf side of things. Which is fair enough — I’ve never had a crazy main sponsor or anything. 

Practicing her serious high-performance short boarder type persona.

There was one challenge that was to make three cutbacks on one wave. So I paddled out at the Ventura Harbor and almost got sucked into the pier like a newb. I went back out and couldn’t get the three wraps in. Hayden, the filmer, had to pull me in. 

When I came in I saw the red team had let the air out of the tyre of our car. That day I did not feed everybody; and I know to feed people. We didn’t have food. Eithan had a mental breakdown. I wanted to take my wetsuit off so badly that I paced in the parking lot for a while before I regained my brain control. When we finally got it to Emma Wood and I thought we were dead last because we hadn’t won a location challenge.

Head meet concrete

That was rock bottom. 

We can’t say whether or not Ivy won the wetsuit challenge, but we can say that she stayed in her rubber insulation for five days after The Incident. And she wore it with pride. 

MVP material. 

To see this particular incident unfold, and to catch all the other surf-based shenanigans, check out Stab HIghway ep 2 here, or start with ep 1 here. We’re currently running a 7-day free trial, so get it while it’s free!

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Correction: J-Bay All Foreplay, No Climax

Slim pickings on Day 1 of the Corona Cero Open J-Bay 2025.

Jul 11, 2025

What Do Hollywood, Surf Lessons, Michael Jackson And Traction Pads Have In Common?

A Stab Interview with Teva Dexter, the man behind surfing's hardest new hardware brand —…

Jul 10, 2025

Surf100 Challenge Series Presented By Pacifico: Episode 3

"The tribe has spoken," Dane Reynolds pronounced, and a surfer's torch was snuffed.

Jul 10, 2025

How Josh Ku Nearly Died Trying To Cross From Ulus to G Land by Hydrofoil

“If someone finds me dead at least they can find my phone and know what…

Jul 10, 2025

Expect No Kiss, All Climax At The “World’s Most Perfect Pointbreak”

A Corona Cero Open J-Bay 2025 preview.

Jul 9, 2025

SEOTY: Liam O’Brien stars in ‘Friction of Perception’

"Hopefully I don’t come across like too much of a peanut."

Jul 8, 2025

10 Shapers To Watch In The Next 10 Years — Part One

“It’s like a drug empire, man. Cut the head off the snakes, and more will…

Jul 7, 2025

Mason Ho Joins Ritual Vision, Releases Remix Of Greatest Hits

Dion Agius riffs on the eyewear brand’s U.S. expansion, Ritualistic Tendencies, and the new stars…

Jul 7, 2025

Is It Time For A New Judging Format?

We have a modest proposal — a WSL head judge disagrees.

Jul 7, 2025

Luke Thompson Turns Last Year’s Priority Disaster Into Ballito Gold

+ earns himself a wildcard into Jbay.

Jul 7, 2025

Fiji Has Its First Professional Surfer, And He’s Unbelievable

16-year-old James Kusitino’s incomprehensible tube lounging leads to a deal with Former.

Jul 6, 2025

Laird Hamilton on The Limitations of Being a Purist, Invention vs. Ownership + Why He Never Had a Sticker Deal 

Untold stories from his How Surfers Get Paid interview.

Jul 4, 2025

When Surfer’s Eye Is Actually Cancer

Erin Campbell's brutal journey from surf camp dreams to chemo drops, cryotherapy, and surgical horror.

Jul 3, 2025

Surfing’s 2025 Q2 Report

An assessment of surfing's vital signs throughout the second quarter of 2025.

Jul 2, 2025

What Actually Happened to Occy’s Mad Max Plunger Pool In Yeppoon?

Surf Lakes’ brass talks: internet hecklers, the unplugging of the plunger, and the Tom Curren…

Jul 2, 2025

Poor Goofy Foots 

Data shows that the world is stacked against goofs — they even make 15% less money than…

Jul 1, 2025

Britain’s First Wavepool Has Closed — What Really Happened?

Bankruptcy, social media hackings, debts unpaid — and yet, reopening looms.

Jul 1, 2025

Watch: Was Matt Meola’s Air Actually Better Than Hughie’s?

Watch the full Swatch Nines highlight reel and decide.

Jun 30, 2025
Advertisement