Stab Magazine | John Florence Just Dropped A Cracker Teahupo'o Edit From 2011 Narrated By Albee Layer
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John Florence Just Dropped A Cracker Teahupo’o Edit From 2011 Narrated By Albee Layer

It must have killed him to watch this year’s Tahiti Pro…

cinema // Aug 31, 2019
Words by stab
Reading Time: < 1 minutes

The 2019 Tahiti Pro was outstanding on every level, except of course for the webcast, which was more tempermental than a 12-year-old girl in the heat of summer, and also the jersey color fiasco, if your name is Kolohe Andino. 

Come to think of it, we also couldn’t help but feel that there was something missing from the three-day event. Upon further inspection, that long-lost puzzle piece was not a thing but a person—our peerless leader in this frivolous pursuit, Mr. Jonathan John Florence. 

And can you imagine what the crown prince would have done at Chopes this year, on the big day in particular? It would have been a joke. Straight silliness. He would have gotten canned like tuna and regurgitated more times than a jar of Hawaiian honey.

And you just know that it was killing John to watch the waves gurgle and spit while he sat at home, rubbing his knee with essential oils and paddling to Kauai to pass the time. That’s why he and his production team made a tasteful re-edit of their 2011 trip to Tahiti, as narrated by Albee Layer, which you can see above.

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