Stab Magazine | What The WSL Doesn't Want You To Know About Kelly Slater's Wavepool Event
545 Views

What The WSL Doesn’t Want You To Know About Kelly Slater’s Wavepool Event

The wave’s significantly better, has sections and.. spits!

Words by stab

Forget Lowers, let’s talk the Kelly Slater Golden Ticket Water Gymnastics Event, Lemoore 2017. The specialty contest that’ll make us momentarily forget about world title contenders, the waist-high Filipe Toledo Hurley Pro, DACA, or the anti-fascist movement called the Coup Clutz Clowns (#whiteflour) everyone’s going on about.

There are a few things the WSL doesn’t want you to know. But, we do! Because, from the information we’ve received, confirmed off record via multiple sources, regardless of whatever side of surfing’s purity spectrum you fall, this will be the most entertaining event in surfing history.

Here’s what the WSL is hiding:

First, that the event is even taking place. It is. It has even been referred to, by a source inside the WSL, as “surfing’s worst kept secret.” The official “waiting period” is Sept 17-19 and promises three days of conditions so smooth they can only be guaranteed by a man calculated enough to hold 11 World Titles.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/PekLtREo9AA

Next, in addition to the addition of Gerry’s Left, the KS Wave Co. has completely gutted and restructured the bottom of the original right hander. They’ve added shallow and deep spots to mimic the bathymetry of the ocean floor. And, in turn, have created sections. This goes for the left as well.

The wave’s way longer, a little larger, and demonstrably better. Here’s how it works: There’s a long wall at the takeoff with enough room to jam two-to-three turns, then the wave slows, sets up into the first barrel section (that on occasion will spit!), then returns to form for turns, potentially airs, and crescendos into a final draining tube and banger-begging end section. From what we’ve heard, it peels for so long that Tour-toned legs are wobbly by the time the wave ends. According to those who have surfed it, you need binoculars to see the wave’s take-off zone from “shore”.  

Also, they’ve fixed the one good wave every 10-15 minutes issue. If they didn’t, holding the event wouldn’t make any sense—a lully wavepool event is laughable.

Here Are Your Golden Ticket Holders:
John Florence
Filipe Toledo
Mick Fanning
Jordy Smith
Carissa Moore
Julian Wilson
Gabriel Medina
Steph Gilmore
Kanoa Igarashi
Joel Parko
Matt Wilko

The known invitees fill 11 of the 12 slots, leaving the potential for either the winner of the Hurley Pro, or… a wildcard. Will the WSL give the people who they really want? (Dane!) Will Kelly Slater surf with a gimp foot? Will Tom Curren take the comp on his modified skim? Let’s speculate!  

http://vimeo.com/232851104

B Hams made a trip! Can you imagine pig-dogging with one arm! All Hail.

Stab‘s reached out to the WSL and has yet to receive a response. However, via iPhone notifications, we’ve been alerted that a crew of Circuit Tour professionals have flown up from a waveless Orange County to Lemoore for a pool day with Kelly Slater. Oh, to live the life of surfing’s one percent! 

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Joyride Board Test: The Haydenshapes Hypto Krypto Twin

Critically examining one of the hottest new boards on the market.

Oct 20, 2021

How An American’s Entrepreneurial Spirit Built One The Greatest Surf Accessory Labels Out Of A Workshop In Yallingup, Western Australia

Mick, Steph, & Jake Paterson tell the story of Creatures founder, John Malloy.

Oct 20, 2021

Why We’ll Always Catch One Down The Beach

The Misc: To the left of the stand.

Oct 20, 2021

The Highest & Flyest Performance-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Rinse off the hangover and shoot for the sky.

Oct 19, 2021

3:30

Lower Trestles From Unusual Angles Ft. Kolohe, Griffin, And Co.

So much for Stagnant Ambition.

Oct 19, 2021

Are Surfboards Made To Fail?

Industry insiders open up about whether or not boards are intentionally fragile, thus driving repeat…

Oct 18, 2021

1:49

A 14-Year-Old Ladybird Takes On Solid Nias & Desert Point

Bela Nalu will go.

Oct 18, 2021

Premium Peek: Torrey Meister Tempts Fate In ‘Grit n Water’

What's scarier — bull riding or big wave surfing?

Oct 17, 2021

8:22

Someone Sponsor This Kid

Eimeo Czermak is an animal who consistently delivers jaw-dropping clips.

Oct 17, 2021

11:36

Palatable Portuguese Wedges With Mason Ho

Washed down with a pink cosmo and Franchesinha.

Oct 16, 2021

Did You Know The WSL Has A Pension Fund?

CT surfers post-2014 have a nice chunk of cash waiting for them after they retire.

Oct 16, 2021

Stab Podcast: Is Huntington Beach A More Exciting Contest Venue Than Ericeira?

Surf sins, a rundown of this week’s surf cinema, and an unpopular opinion from the…

Oct 15, 2021

The WSL’s 2022 Season Wildcards Revealed

Pray for Matthew McGillivray.

Oct 15, 2021

16:47

Dylan Graves Explores The Topics Of Race And Inclusivity In Surfing

“If you know it’s wrong, say something.”

Oct 15, 2021

Watch: Episode 2 of Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Broken bones, KFC/meat pie collabs, 'feary' river mouth swims, and incredible kneelo tubes.

Oct 15, 2021

2:20

Kolohe Andino Is Doubling Down On Surf Films

"I want to give the world my view of how surfing should be perceived."

Oct 14, 2021

5:12

Jordy Smith Was Stuck In Hawaii For The Best Late-Season Run In Memory

"It was 6-8 foot for weeks straight. I surfed Pipe with one other guy out."

Oct 14, 2021

What Happened To All The Surf Gangs?

Times have changed, for good or ill.

Oct 14, 2021
Advertisement