The New Normal: Dylan Graves On Pirate’s Booty And *Maybe* Having Coronavirus

Yesterday in The New Normal, we covered Steph Gilmore’s skepticism of the mainstream narrative and her only-half-joking theory that we’re all living in the Truman Show.  

Today, we speak with Dylan Graves, the Weird Waves star who may or may not be battling his own case of the covids.

Dylan, a Puerto Rico native, currently lives in California with his Aussie wife (Batman) and their two dogs. He’s spent the last few days on the couch, not due to bad husbandry (he’s actually quite the gentleman) but rather a deep lethargy brought on by some unknown affliction. 

In other words, Dylan had no way to escape our interview request. So we applied our polyester facial barrier, sanitized our modern pocket square, and dialed Dyl’s number from roughly 5,000 kilometers away—a clinically safe distance. 

The rest is history. 

Stab: Hey Dyl, you said you’re not feeling too well? 
Dylan Graves: Yeah, I’m not sure what I’ve got going on, but I was pretty fucked yesterday. I’m feeling like a little better today, but I’ve just pretty much been on the couch all day.

Just like an exhaustion sort of thing or…
Well, it started with a runny nose and a scratchy throat. And then every day it just kind of got worse and worse. The day before yesterday, I started getting the chills and just feeling really low energy. And then yesterday I was completely taken out and had a fever and was pretty fucked up. Today I finally feel better, but I have a pretty gnarly cough and really, really crazy congestion deal. 

…Do you think it’s the ‘rona?
[Laughs] It might be, I’m not really sure. It could also be that I surfed after a big rain here. That’s when all the symptoms started. Plus I’ve been with my wife the whole time and she’s not sick.  

Ahhh, I’m sure you’re fine then! So who are you I’m shacking up with right now?
Just my wife Batman and our two dogs. 

And what have you been doing to pass the time?
I was just kinda getting on some YouTube lessons and tried to learn new shit about animation. I’ve also been brainstorming ideas for season three of Weird Waves, because before all of this, we got the green light from Vans to do another season. So, just kinda getting all my ducks in a row, I guess.

Well that’s really good news about Weird Waves. Do you have any idea where you might be going?
At this point we’re kind of open to do anything. I did this thing last year where I just kind of asked people online where they thought we should go, and a lot of good locations came up. So I think we’re planning to do the same here pretty soon. 

Of course, that all hinges on the world going back to “normal” sometime in the near future. If you had to guess, how long do you think it’s going to be till we’re at least able to like…walk around outside and talk to people and maybe go into a restaurant? [laughs]
Damn. I have no idea. I mean, I hope as soon as possible because it’s so weird no being able to interact with other humans. That said, I think the economic side of this is gonna be the most devastating thing. And it could last a lot longer than actual virus.

Ok so, the burning question: what is the average daily screen time on your phone from the last week?
Where do I find that? Let’s see. Screen time. Okay. My daily average is three hours and 36 minutes. 

That’s pretty reasonable. What have you been doing to fill up the other 13 hours of the day?
Playing with the dog. We’ve been playing lots of cards. I’m reading probably like three different books at the same time, ‘cause that’s how I like to read—all over the place. Then just cooking food, relaxing, watching, watching movies.

And obviously you’re not in the best health right now, but let’s say this current situation persists for a couple of months. What will you do to keep your body moving? Do you have workouts or anything?
I try to do a lot of yoga. That’s what kind of makes me feel the best just all around. I also work with a specialist on strengthening some of my weaker points to avoid injury. So a bit of that as well. 

What are your three quarantine food requirements? 
Well, I didn’t even know that I was doing this, but I bought a ridiculous amount of Milton’s crackers. Also canned tuna and Pirate’s booty, but that was more intentional.

If you could do this whole thing over again and choose anywhere in the world to be quarantined, where would it be?
As long as I’m with my wife and dogs, I wouldn’t really care to be honest. That said, warmer climates seem to have less cases. So maybe it’d be cool to be in Puerto Rico or Australia cause that’s where both of our families live.

Obviously everything’s grounded right now, but where is the first place that you want to go once this thing has settled?
Honestly, anywhere really. I mean, if it’s outside my door, I’ll be fucking stoked. [laughs]