Stab’s Psychic Pick To Win The Surf Ranch Is… - Stab Mag
Live from Lemoore. Photo: Jonathan Francis

Stab’s Psychic Pick To Win The Surf Ranch Is…

Here’s what our metaphysical consultant had to say.

Words by BIG DICK POWER SURFER

We walked into the Mystical Dragon store hopeful, earnest, and with a set intention—to get a definitive pick to win the 2021 Jeep Surf Ranch Pro presented by Kaipo’s Expedia ad (did you see that?). 

Unfortunately, friends, metaphysics doesn’t work like that. 

Our psychic consultant, Dr. Julie, told us that such a thing would be as good as a blind guess. And who were we to argue? You don’t want the Dark Arts going against you, whether or not Jack Robinson is riding it. 

However, grace was saved. Dr. Julie said she could do a card reading for some of the competitors. 

We handpicked a few favorites, middlemen, journeymen, fighter pilots, long shots, and WSL CEOs, and showed her their likenesses on an iPhone (full video coming after the event). All of the of the readings were interesting—she pretty much said Morgan Cibilic doesn’t do airs—but one stood out from the pack. 

His name? Italo Ferreira. 

As a trickster with shamanistic potential, he is poised to reign supreme in the controlled environment of the Surf Ranch.

Will he? Won’t he? We’ll just have to go to Lemoore and find out. 

We’re on our way.

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