The Most Foolish And Ghoulish Land-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy - Stab Mag
Wholesome. Photo by John Respondek.

The Most Foolish And Ghoulish Land-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

How will our seafaring surfers cope with challenges out of the water?

Words by Ethan Davis

Ep 2 of Stab Highway presented by Monster Energy drops this Thursday at 6 pm (PST or 12 AEDT) for our Stab Premium members.  

Inspired by Thrasher’s ‘King of the Road’, Stab Highway presented by Monster Energy features 16 of Australia’s best surfers on a 10-day road trip through NSW. Four teams comprised of four surfers each led by Holly Wawn, Pacha Light, Macy Callaghan, and Jaleesa Vincent will compete in 30 challenges for the chance of starring in an exclusive Kai Neville surf film.

Team Holly: Harry Bryant, Dakoda Walters, and Reef Heazlewood.

Team Jaleesa: Noa Deane, Shaun Manners, and, Wade Goodall.

Team Pacha: Dion Agius, Mckenzie Bowden, Sheldon Simkus.

Team Macy: Chippa Wilson, Coby Perkovich, and Benny Howard.

In episode 1, we crowned the winner for the best wave on a board without traction, awarded to Wade Goodal for his incredible performance at Duranbah, giving Team Jaleesa an early lead. We also covered the first 10 surf challenges in this post, here.

Now, let’s dive into the land-based challenges.

The Land Challenges

Longest wearing of a steamer – The same wetsuit as long as possible. Can only be taken off to visit the bathroom. Documented via a running stopwatch.

Longest running pie-only diet – Same deal, pies only. Could be a day, it could be three. Document every single new pie, type of pie, and time of day. Also documented with a running stopwatch.

Best team haircut given from one team member to another – Needs to occur within the first 48 hours.

“Life is a Highway” by Tom Cochrane busking – You perform for 10 minutes, you’re judged on your performance, your crowd, and your profit.

Cook dinner for a local boardriders club – You’re armed with $500 for food along with 10x $100 gift cards courtesy of our friends at SurfStitch. Go change the lives of some local kids and create an evening to remember for a boardriders club. The better the energy, the more points.

Swim across a river with a steak attached to your leg – Wall to wall at the river mouth.

Best body piercing with ornamental hanging – Ear, nose, lip, nipple, whatever. Always accessorized. Needs to happen within the first 72 hours of the trip and be worn for the remainder of the trip…

Ozzie Wright tattoo – A tattoo of his previous artwork or a bespoke piece of art from Ozzie himself. Somewhere on the body, big or small. The most striking tattoo wins.

Bomb a hill on a soft-top – Or on any kind of wheel setup.

Landmark photograph – Team portraits in front of three famous Australian landmarks. The Big Prawn, the Big Banana, and the Sydney Opera House.

A side of Reef we haven’t seen before. Photo by John Respondek.

How the scoring works

All teams were given a Stab Highway booklet outlining the rules and challenges on Day One. Every team will have to complete each individual challenge, and their performances will be judged relative to one another with a maximum of 4 points, minimum of one point, per challenge. 

There are a set number of challenges that all need to be completed. Scores are distributed as follows:

1st place = 4 points 

2nd place = 3 points

3rd place= 2 points 

4th place = 1 point

Not attempting a challenge = 0 points

Some challenges, like the longest time spent in a steamer, are fairly objective. Others, like the best tattoo, are fully subjective. Regardless, every challenge will be scored by a panel of three esteemed judges: Ozzie Wright, Kai Neville, and Stab’s own Danny Johnson (more on them below). 

The three judges have their own particular tastes and kinks and they’ll each rank every challenge from first to fourth. Those positions will then be collated to derive the top four of each challenge. The most important message we must share is this: if it’s not captured on film, it didn’t happen. 

Don’t stare at the sun too long. Photo by John Respondek.

Current scoreboard after episode 1

Team Jaleesa – 4 points

Team Holly – 3 points

Team Macy – 2 points

Team Pacha – 1 point


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Joyride Board Test: The Haydenshapes Hypto Krypto Twin

Critically examining one of the hottest new boards on the market.

Oct 20, 2021

How An American’s Entrepreneurial Spirit Built One The Greatest Surf Accessory Labels Out Of A Workshop In Yallingup, Western Australia

Mick, Steph, & Jake Paterson tell the story of Creatures founder, John Malloy.

Oct 20, 2021

Why We’ll Always Catch One Down The Beach

The Misc: To the left of the stand.

Oct 20, 2021

The Highest & Flyest Performance-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Rinse off the hangover and shoot for the sky.

Oct 19, 2021


Lower Trestles From Unusual Angles Ft. Kolohe, Griffin, And Co.

So much for Stagnant Ambition.

Oct 19, 2021

Are Surfboards Made To Fail?

Industry insiders open up about whether or not boards are intentionally fragile, thus driving repeat…

Oct 18, 2021


A 14-Year-Old Ladybird Takes On Solid Nias & Desert Point

Bela Nalu will go.

Oct 18, 2021

Premium Peek: Torrey Meister Tempts Fate In ‘Grit n Water’

What's scarier — bull riding or big wave surfing?

Oct 17, 2021


Someone Sponsor This Kid

Eimeo Czermak is an animal who consistently delivers jaw-dropping clips.

Oct 17, 2021


Palatable Portuguese Wedges With Mason Ho

Washed down with a pink cosmo and Franchesinha.

Oct 16, 2021

Did You Know The WSL Has A Pension Fund?

CT surfers post-2014 have a nice chunk of cash waiting for them after they retire.

Oct 16, 2021

Stab Podcast: Is Huntington Beach A More Exciting Contest Venue Than Ericeira?

Surf sins, a rundown of this week’s surf cinema, and an unpopular opinion from the…

Oct 15, 2021

The WSL’s 2022 Season Wildcards Revealed

Pray for Matthew McGillivray.

Oct 15, 2021


Dylan Graves Explores The Topics Of Race And Inclusivity In Surfing

“If you know it’s wrong, say something.”

Oct 15, 2021

Watch: Episode 2 of Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Broken bones, KFC/meat pie collabs, 'feary' river mouth swims, and incredible kneelo tubes.

Oct 15, 2021


Kolohe Andino Is Doubling Down On Surf Films

"I want to give the world my view of how surfing should be perceived."

Oct 14, 2021


Jordy Smith Was Stuck In Hawaii For The Best Late-Season Run In Memory

"It was 6-8 foot for weeks straight. I surfed Pipe with one other guy out."

Oct 14, 2021

What Happened To All The Surf Gangs?

Times have changed, for good or ill.

Oct 14, 2021