Siri Lives Rent Free Inside Kolohe Andino’s Head

“Your mind is the most rambling, chaotic, needling, insulting, insufferable person you will ever meet. It’s like having some maniac walk through the front door of your house and follow you from room to room and refuse to stop talking – and this happens every day of your life” – Sam Harris

High performers are often highly self critical. Without being Kolohe’s squeeze, I’d say he probably belongs in that camp. Siri’s narration here reflects ennui as much as it does a sense of humor. Having your ‘value’ as a surfer being reducible to results, sponsorship, having kids would be odd. Yes, Kolohe hasn’t still hasn’t won a CT in his twelve years on tour. No, you wouldn’t be the first to remind him.

‘Your stock as a surfer typically nosedives once you become a family man’ goes one industry adage. Brother’s fruited seed might put Danny Clayton’s cortisol levels at bay but generally sticker-dishers don’t like it. Hot tip: If you’re baking buns, don’t tell anyone until you’ve inked a ten-year contract (preferably without a force majeure). Or gamble $250K of your personal savings making a feature-length surf film mid-pandemic in the hope that “it’ll come out in the wash” come negotiation day.    

I like this next chapter of Kolohe making quality films and 8-mileing his criticism. His Stagnant Ambition clips are clearly made for his own enjoyment and not playcount, otherwise they’d be titled ‘POV: KOLOHE ANDINO TEARS MEX A NEW ONE!!!’ or some subtle variation of that. 

Keeping it real. 

Nice one.