March’s COTM Harkens Back To Matt Biolos’s Infamous “I’m Not Your Shaper” Soliloquy

“People always give us that possessive term: ‘my shaper’,” Lady Gaga’s worst nightmare, Matt Biolos said.

“I’m not your shaper,” Matt Biolos laughed in Season Two, Episode Two of How Surfers Get Paid. “I’m Griffin Colapinto’s shaper, I’m Carissa Moore’s shaper, I work for them, yes. But I’m not your shaper… it’s fucking possessive.”

Since that candid quip in the end credits of that episode, the Stab comment section has seen the occasional tasteful allusion back to Biolos’s vent.

But no such quip has achieved the level of poignance, timeliness, and class as first-time COTM winner, Parso.

Parso’s comment was a unanimous winner in Stab’s Slack threads and made my job as COTM messenger very easy. So, thank you Parso. See info on your prize below.

Parso, please send us an email at [email protected] with screenshot proof of your Disqus account — you just won a free year of Stab Premium and you will be entered in the running for the mega-prize for “Comment of the Year” at the end of, you guessed it, the year.

Mr. or Ms. P will now be one of 12 commenters (one for each month) who will be a candidate for COTY. They’ll be running against 11 other candidates to be the 2025 Archduke of The Comment Section.

And, with that, 2025’s third Comment of the Month is here, like finding a slightly less fried drumstick on the dirty grill of internet rhetoric.