Why are we searching for Kelly’s placid lake?

Words by Morgan Williamson 

By now you’re well aware of Mr Slater’s wave and you’ve probably figured out its location. A mass desire swept the internet, it was asked: Where the in the world is that chocolatey, chilled goodness? Surf  and non surf media alike’s been eager to reveal the location of Kelly’s secret wave, but it’s curious as to why? When found, surely there’ll be no waves operating. How does anybody think they’ll be able to get that puppy up and running? Once one’s broken into the gates there won’t be a glowing arrow pointing towards a “waves on” switch, however Raimana may still be there riding around on his ski.

After Kelly’s wave shocked the surf world, a curious young cat named Craig Brokensha decided to do a little digging, they’re calling him a sleuth but he’s more so a modern man who knows how to use modern conveniences such as Google Maps and Earth. Craig was set on “blowing the location”, and little did Kelly know his wave pool was about to receive a computer generated fellatio.

Here’s some of the facts around the mystery wave in Lemoore, which sits 33 miles outside of Fresno, a county better known for the Bulldog gang, methamphetamine and a state college. In 2004 the location was known Ski Lake Home, essentially a three bedroom home with a private lake attached. Then the Ski Lake Home was sold in January of 2014 by Jim Knoska of Beach Cities Real Estate, a golden agent from the sick gem of the golden state; Newport Beach, Orange County. And dear old Jimmy boy’s a surfer, cue the gasps and awes. It also borders the Phoenix Sunrise Golf Course and we know Mr Slater, loves himself a quick nine or 18. Jim facilitated the deal to what’s now known as the Kelly Slater Wave Company.

Kelly’s wave pool location remained secret for nearly an hour and according to Swellnet.com where this was first reported, “flights are now booked for a strike mission to California.” To which I wonder; how much do airlines charge to ship pool noodles and water wings? Here’s the address; 18556 Jackson Ave, Lemoore, Ca. Go for a swim.