Teahupoo is going to be even better than J-Bay

Don’t go money-wasting; Know the forecast before you drop dollar bills on the Billabong Pro, Tahiti. It’s a real trend to hype the swell before any events, but these charts don’t lie. So know this: The forecast is looking fucking mental. The waiting period begins on Friday 15 with contestable waves, roughly head high, but it’s a fading swell so refrain from placing early bets. It’s a weekend made for indulgence, because there’s a Perfect Storm below Australia right now and it won’t fill in until Sunday night. If you’re in Oz, party all night, all day, and all night again, but just be ready for Monday. Yes, you will need to call in sick. If you’re in the US, then clear your sunday sports schedule ’cause your day will be all about the webcast. John Florence is in Tahiti now and didn’t enlighten in the way we’d expected. “I don’t look,” he told Stab. “I’m here and I’m going out regardless. It sounds like it’s going to be really, really good though.” Yes, John! It will be! You might actually win a heat this event, we joke. “Ha, maybe. That would be nice.” The system will pass beneath New Zealand, where good swells become great swells for Tahiti, before crossing the South Pacific. Embellishment ain’t our thing but the condition labels of “pumping” and some “18-plus faces” aren’t exaggerated. Monday will be the grunt day. It’s reminiscent of 2011, the day before Code Red, minus the sunshine. Remember when Owen slid into that building set? Oh god, that was sweet music. It’ll be interesting to see, should the swell reach the pass-me-the-rope range, what event director Chris O’Callaghan’s call will be. There’s a new ASP wanting mainstream headlines and the 2012 Volcom Fiji Pro still leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of what could’ve been. Tuesday will ease a little, key word being ‘little,’ and another swell is expected over the Wednesday and Thursday. It doesn’t end there either. The entire South Pacific is a jacked ocean until the end of the waiting period. With marginal leads between the top four, some elder statements well acquainted with big Chopes and some young gents warming to the heavy brine, place them all under a wave wider than it is tall and you’ve got an event that can trump J-Bay’s hero status as event of the year. Do. Not. Miss. Contest site here!