Comments Of The Week, Edition 95

Right now in the States, television network The Discovery Channel is running Shark Week. An annual, weeklong programming block dedicated to what seems like a weekly conversation on Stab: Sharks. And while Shark Week was originally created with the intention of educating the population about their favourite oceanic predators, the past few years have gotten a bit more, well… gimmicky.

Take, for example, the race The Discovery Channel setup between Michael Phelps and a great white shark. A topic of national news at this past week. It sounds ridiculous but then you remember this is a television station that’s most popular show is, “Alaskan Bush People.” Nothing is off limits here. 

Now, if you think I was going to take time out of my packed schedule to sit and watch a 23-time gold medalist race a shark you are absolutely right. I watched it so you don’t have to. My thoughts? Disappointed.  

The shark won by two seconds. Also, Phelps didn’t actually race a shark. Rather, the Discovery Channel calculated the shark’s speed, figured how long it would take for the shark to swim a certain distance, and made Phelps swim to see if he could beat that time. What a farce! More concerns listed below:

1. Again, the shark was CGI. 

2. Team human (spoiler alert) lost. 

3. The Discovery Channel included a Hammerhead for comparison. Hammerheads are the front traction pads of the selachimorpha animal group — a novelty, but ineffective. Throw a bull shark in there if you want to stir attention. Bull Sharks are like Alaias: Fast, reckless, on a warpath to obliterate unsuspecting beachgoers.

Yes, man in the Speedo racing suit versus man in the grey suit was a letdown. But not merely as much of a disappointment as sifting through the digital dirty undies drawer that is this week’s Disqus commentary was. And with that: 

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07. Fourteen-Year-Old Oscar Berry Rides The Refraction, NSW

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06. A Lensmens Perspective of San Francisco

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05. Mannequins, Romance And The Latest Single From The Jim Mitchells

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04. Is Surfing Sustainable?

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03. The Right Is A Frightening And Majestic Being

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02. An Interview with J-Bay’s Kamikaze Wave Pirate

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01. Two Hurricanes Might Have Sex In The Pacific Ocean