Two Hurricanes Might Have Sex In The Pacific Ocean

You ever heard of the Fujiwhara Effect?

It is a meteorological phenomenon in which two hurricanes near each other, swirl around like Latin lovers for a while, then use all their anger, zeal, and virility to melt into one. Fujiwhara must’ve been a lover. Or at least a casual groper. 

Anyway, there’s a chance of it happening in the Pacific Ocean quite soon.

Hurricane Irwin and Hurricane Hilary have locked eyes (figuratively) and might lock eyes (literally) in the coming days. At the time of writing, Irwin has maximum sustained winds of 80 knots while Hilary’s clocking in at 90. If they move forward and have consensual Fujiwhara Effect, they’ll become a powerful storm.

For folks who enjoy watching infrared satellite imagery of two blobs morphing into one, it’ll be a real treat. Now here’s what it means for you.

A shade of what Seal Beach, just a few ticks above Huntington, could look like come next week. Just hope you don’t end up like the subject here.

If you live in Southern California, it means you’re going to get waves. Counterbalance the hype created by this article by saying, out loud, that there will not be waves and tell somebody in the lineup that next week will be flat with full confidence.

If you’re a professional surfer competing in the US Open, it means you just wasted a few weeks finding a magic groveler. The main event for both men and women starts on Monday, right as the swell starts to jump. 

If neither of the above applies, it means the US Open will be fun to watch this year. Just erase J-Bay from your memory first.

If your name is Irwin and you are both a hurricane and a virgin, it means don’t fuck this one up.