The Wetsuit Vests Pop Icons Love
The King of Pop, Mr. Burns and Justin Timberlake are rubbered up.
We’re sneaking towards the end of summer down here below the equator, but just because the mercury’s taken a slight dive, doesn’t mean you have to start contorting into last seasons steamer.
If you stroll down to your local wetty slinging outlet or click a few buttons online, you’ll be presented with vests of all different shades, colours and cuts. But how on Earth would you know which one suits you best? Or even what your favourite pop icon would look like sheathed up in rubber?
Well, thanks to us, you now have a breakdown of seven of the hottest torso garments on the market.
If you’re in need of a new summer jacket then rip into the deets below and if you’re not, then at least you’ll know who’s wearing what in the hot gossip world of showbiz.
Deus Ex Machina – Long Sleeve Wetsuit Jacket
This withering, old, cold hearted fascist could use some warmth from the people at Deus, especially some rubber to wrap around that hunched upper torso. This vest would serve Montgomery, as well as the kids at San-O, just as well—and on more than just the fashion front. Here’s hoping this front-zip hater-blocker is relatively nuclear waste resistant*, for those arvo sessions at Old Mans or Springfield Point.
*In the loosest sense of the term ‘relatively’.
A groovy colour contrast
Easy access (and stylish) front zip.
Glued and blind stitched seams.
The only thing that could’ve possibly made Ferris’ day of feigned illness better, would’ve been a quick session in this little number from Adelio (which markedly doubles as a skin-tight turtle neck).
Picture Ferris belting out his rendition of “Twist and Shout” in the city parade, sporting one of these puppies, hoping there’s a pair of trunks on hand for a post-parade shred.
Recycled neoprene – so you know it’s green.
Inconspicuous YKK quarter back zipper.
Silky smooth to the touch.
It’s a pity Jacko never laid toes to wax, because the only thing topping a Knost backpedal would’ve been a moonwalk down First Point Malibu. The King of Pop would’ve needed the right ensemble—you just know the pop idol wouldn’t have been caught sporting anything less than fresh—and this selection from NCHE would have worked just fine.
1mm thickness – for all your dance move needs.
No zipper, no worries
String to tie to your trunks so it doesn’t ride up your chest.
Remember when JT’s crown sat atop those perfect, peroxide-blonde curls, resemblant of a fresh pack of Ramen? Around the same time he dropped that panty-dropping banger, “Cry Me A River”. Well as long as he has his TCSS jumble nearby, no rivers should ever worry JTimb again. Hell, with the color options TCSS offer (besides black), one of these jackets might even make the cut for his next clip.
YKK front zipper
Embroidered TCSS patch – so the girls know you’re trendy.
Grippy, wind-resistant, wetsuit material.
Rip Curl – Aggrolite 1.5mm Vest
It’s nice to see the Curl adapting their wetty top range to those with a little more meat on their bones, and oh so slimming on Batman’s biggest rival, Bane. Whilst Bane probably needs a high literage log to float his hefty arse, this wetty top would come in handy when he’s trying to take down Batman in all sorts of terrain.
1.5mm thickness – slimming!
Recommended for water temps above 22 C.
O’Neill – Hyperfreak 1.5mm Jacket
There ain’t no N.E.R.D. in this little slip-on from O’Neill. Pharrell would be more than “Happy” to dive into this rubber garment to take on his next lawsuit, or even a set on the head behind the rock at Snapper during any cyclone swell.
50+ UV protection
Multi-coloured so your Mrs can spot you from the sand.
Billabong – Revolution Tri-Bong Reversible Jacket
These tops from Billabong would have snuck perfectly into the step brother’s award winning tune, ‘Boats and Hoes’, and would even come in handy for those grovelling sofa-laden days – if you spill Mountain Dew on this bad-boy you can flip it inside out! The boys’ bunk-bed installation probably saved them enough room to slot in a downsized KS wave pool too.
Reversibility to hide soda stains.
Glue and blind stitched seams.
Tether to attach to the top or your trunks.
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