The Stab Alphabet: Rio De Janeiro

Stab presents a letter-based summary of the excellent, awful and unmissable things we saw in Rio De Janeiro… A is for Adriano De Souza, the most mature bolt in the Brazilian storm, and his continuing evolution as a surfer, and gracious runner-up acceptance. A is also for Acai, which is more readily available than that other shapeless, consumable stuff. B is for Barra Da Tijuca, and for the dream sequence beachbreaks it gifted. C is for Cristo Redentor, a rite of passage for all visitors. It is also for Churrascaria, which are delicious and thrilling until y’get meat sweats. And, it’s also for Claims. Yup, definitely for Claims. D is for Dos Santos, as in Ricardo, who had the best time during the lay days outta anyone – he flew to Chopes and scored two days of steamtrains. E is for Excited, which is what every living creature on the beach got when Filipe Toledo rotated a complete alley-oop, landed, and turned straight into a frontside spin. Which is why… F is for Filipe Toledo. It is also for Favela. G is for Gabriel Medina and his tears, fears, and high gears. And also, for Generalisations. H is for Hawaii, which is where John John Florence was while this whole party was going down. It’s also for Hike, which is the new cross fit and filled many lay days (just ask Instagram). I is for Interference, and the confusion of assessing Gabriel Medina’s against Ace Buchan. J is for Jordy Smith. Y’ever seen a man so in control of his fate in a contest? Infallible! K is for Kickers. Hungry, hungry kickers, consuming all the lycra they can get at. L is for the Loop revert that Julian Wilson stomped in a pre-event freesurf. It’s also for Lay Days. Note: plural here. M is for Mineirinho, because having Adriano De Souza on this list once just wasn’t enough. The terrier is unstoppable this year. N is for Night Time, which is perhaps when Rio really does its best work. O is for Obrigado, the ‘Bonjour’, or ‘Bagus’ of Brazil, and yes, we’re aware of what Obrigado, actually translates to. Take this in the sense that it’s the token first word visitors learn. P is for Passion, a commodity that those Brazilian fans have much of. Maybe it’s for Peterson Rosa, too. Q is for Qantas Red Eye flight, which y’can bet was occupied by most Australians who lost out early on. R is for Rain, of which there was too much during this event. We want perfect webcasts! This would never have happened if ZoSea were in charge… S is for Subtlety, a wildly-ignored attribute at this event, and something many surfers would’ve done well to practise after stomping something they were particularly happy with. T is for Tyler Wright, who scooped gold in the weirdly-named Colgate Plax Rio Pro. U is for Ubatuba, which is where Filly Toledo polished that full-rote oop so much that, like Gabs’ frontside rotes, it looks so casual we write it off as easy and unworthy of high scores. Ever tried one? V is for Views and Valleys, the combination of which are kinda synonymous with Rio. Drink in the luscious green that plunges into the favelas, which juxtapose so beautifully above the wealthy districts! W is for Wetsuit, and more particularly the short sleeve steamer variety, which Adriano wore despite most his competitors rolling in trunks only. X is for X-ercise. Bear with us, we’re running on empty by this point. See following letter for confirmation. Y is for YOLO. Just ’cause. And even post-parody, it’s still funny. Z is for Zero, which is a combined heat score that Julian Wilson flirted dangerously with in round one. And, then there’s this.