The Deeper Side of Mitch Coleborn

Opening portrait by Derek Dunfee
Words by Elliot Struck 

The makings of Mitch: I didn’t live near the beach til I was 13. There’s a town called Tanawah that’s a solid 20-minute drive from the beach and that’s where I lived. Mum was trying to drive me for surfs before and after school and she was getting pretty over it. We ended up moving to Alex Headland, two or three minutes from the ocean. I did my first contest when I was 12, a Rip Curl Grom Search, and I got dead last in my heat. I thought I had this wave but this kid snaked me so I got an interference. So they took one of my waves away and I got last in the first heat I ever surfed.

Best experience involving liquor: The New Year’s Eve just past. We had this little party at my new house. After midnight, there was six of us left. We had this slushy machine and there was one last bottle of tequila left so we just went, fuck it, and dumped the whole thing in the slushy machine. I kept picturing a bunch of dickheads sitting around beatboxing so I started trying to beatbox and getting my friend to rap, like, let’s see what you’re made of. All he could come up with was “What.” He was so drunk and all he kept saying was “What… what… what…” like, trying to get into it. We were just losing it. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.

“The dream I have most often is I’m in a fight and I’m bashing the absolute shit out of someone, but it’s just not doing anything. I’m landing these massive punches on them but not hurting them at all.”

Worst experience involving liquor: Definitely in Canada (where Mitch was sold down the river by the cops on a trumped-up indecent exposure charge). It was one of those things where you’re in the total wrong place at the wrong time. I just fucked up big time. It’s pretty amazing what alcohol can do to you. I think we all know what happened and I don’t wanna say too much about it, but it was my biggest mistake, for sure. And it’s not just when you’re on alcohol. Six months after or whatever, there’s lingering repercussions. I can think back to it now and it just brings a bad feeling. Itís always going to be there.

Best photo sent to phone: My team manager in the States sent me a photo of a cover I got. It was one of those ones you have no idea about. It was a shot of him holding the cover up with this big, cheesy grin. I was just like, what! It was a Transworld cover a coupla years ago, the one in front of the Surfers Paradise buildings.

The most elaborate lie you’ve ever told: Maybe with a girl at some stage. Like, when you kinda get totally busted and then you keep going and going, just digging yourself in deeper and deeper.

“I don’t know if I head-fuck myself, but I always feel like with everything I do, I’m almost there but never the best.”

Dreams: The dream I have most often is Iím in a fight and I’m bashing the absolute shit out of someone, but it’s just not doing anything. I’m landing these massive punches on them but not hurting them at all. I wonder what that means? I also had this dream my teeth kept breaking and I was freaking out so hard. I’d grab my teeth and they’d fall into my hands. Then someone told me that it means youíre worried about your family. How weird is that?

Never the bride, always the bridesmaid: I feel I’m good at most things but never best at anything. For instance, the other day we were chipping golf balls into this bucket. It took me an hour to get it in, but I landed it so close, five times more than anyone else. Everyone was going too high, or too far either side, then they’d fluke one into the bucket. I was getting so close, so consistently, but kept just missing by an inch. Just stupid stuff like that. I don’t know if I head-fuck myself, but I always feel like with everything I do, I’m almost there but never the best.

Favourite country? America. It’s not that itís similar to home, it’s just… going to New York or whatever, thereís so much different stuff to do. I like to get nice food and, of course there’s nice food in a lot of other places too, but in America it’s just so accessible. All the nice things in life for half the price of here (in Oz). You stay in nice, big houses and everyoneís welcoming. It’s a real home away from home for me. If I could post up anywhere, that’s where it’d be.

Fate, for sure: I’m a huge believer in fate. I think everything’s on a set path and that someone out there knows exactly what’s going on. Itís all ready to fall into place, you don’t make your own destiny. You’re 100 percent in control of your own choices, but even you being in control is part of the plan. So if you sat on your ass all day and did nothing, but then one day just went, bang, and turned your life around, thatíd be part of the plan.

But no religion: I don’t follow any religion. I’ve been brought up to believe that there is some kind of a god, maybe in a spiritual way. But I believe there were dinosaurs before Jesus Christ, y’know? There’s evidence. God didn’t create everything – there was evolution. I’m a realist.