How Dare These Dorks Try To Make Surfing Easier - Stab Mag

How Dare These Dorks Try To Make Surfing Easier

Questioning the merits of a motorized surf fin.

Words by The intern.

A company called Boost Surfing has created the “world’s first electric surf fin”.

Each fin is equipped with a motor capable of 20lbs of thrust and maxes out at the speed of 10mph. Their website claims you’ll catch 3x more waves and have extra fun while surfing.

No, this isn’t an advertisement. Stab didn’t actually partner with this company. I think. Maybe they did. I don’t know, nobody tells me anything around here. 

But for all you keyboard warriors itching to unleash hell in the comments, let’s take a second to breathe. Fight your natural urge to belittle this product out of the gate and give it a shot. We all know it’s excessive and combats almost 100 years of research on surfboard fins—foil and rake are pretty much off the table when you’re attaching a trolling motor to the back of a fin—but let’s talk about this rationally. 

As self-obsessed surfers, we often fail to remember that not everything is about us. There are people with disabilities. People missing limbs. People who want to surf more, but can’t paddle for two hours straight due to physical complications. This product can be a game-changer for adaptive surfers. With contests, foundations, and outings popping up left and right, they have become a staple in our local surf communities, not to mention the industry. 

Don’t believe me? The marketing research company Technavio claims adaptive surfing will cause a “significant growth in the surfboard market over the next four years.” Can ya believe it? Surfing made its way onto a fancy business website. Stonks only go up!

Now for the fun part. Pulling this product’s leash and punching it in the back of the head. 

Marketing the electric fin to the adaptive surfing community is both virtuous and savvy. Where Boost Surfing went wrong is by selling the idea of “more waves” to able-bodied idiots who haven’t put in the time required to navigate a lineup—be it physically, reputationally, or both. This contradicts surfing’s very ethos. 

Beginners get harassed enough in the lineup as it is, and you want to send them out with motorized fins? That’s the surfing equivalent of putting a “kick me” sign on their backs. At least Boost was keen enough to delete their worst brand video before I could attach it to this article. Something along the lines of, “We don’t surf often, so catching waves is hard, and we’re too lazy to learn proper technique.” 

We appreciate the honesty, but please, fuck off.

It’s becoming oh-so-common. Everybody wants a piece of the surf industry pie, but no CEO cares enough to learn the first thing about it. If only some of these clowns could make it past the whitewater and see the true colors of their target audience. 

There’s no doubt that if Boost makes it past the Kickstarter stage, this product will provide many adaptive surfers the opportunity to catch waves independently and improve their surfing. Which is a great (and potentially lucrative) thing. That’s why the product should be marketed to those who genuinely need it—not lazy, apathetic idiots who just want everything to be easier. 

Surfing is hard. If you can’t handle it, don’t do it. Capiche?

P.S. What the fuck is this?

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