Comments Of The Week, Edition 60

12. How The World Tour Gets To J-Bay

“I want to know if Matt Banting books his return flight for after his round 2 heat.” 

– brendan huff, scathing. (12 upvotes)

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11. Taj Burrow And Stab: In Covers

“Taj who? Mick just surfed his FIRST J-Bay heat!? Wake up Morgan, call iHusky, email the Australian Prime Minister and get on it Stab! If I don’t see six fucking Mick articles by Heat 12 I’m going to shit on someone’s chest.”

– david f, passionate. (4 upvotes)

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10. Here’s How Incredibly Good Nias Has Been

“Wait, what?! The bigger news is, Aritz has his own website. Holy hell. Why tho?”

– shooootsbrah saw Aritz rollin’, and he hatin’. (1 upvote)

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9. How To Avoid A Shark Attack, According To Kimi Werner

“Having watched The Shallows, I believe what you should do is to use the shark’s own momentum to have it impale itself on underwater steel rebar. But only do so in the event that setting the shark on fire with whale oil and a flare gun somehow fails to kill said shark, mate.”

– Azn Ando, spoiler alert. (3 Upvotes)

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8. Kai Lenny’s Foil Board Clip Will Probably Melt Your Mind

“Laird Hamilton jerked it to this whilst smearing himself with Ghee Butter. He finally has a protege to carry on his legacy.”

– Hypto Krypto One Board Quiver, lover of legacy. (4 upvotes)

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7. Not Ironic: Life On The Farm

“I’m going to buy that property, and raise their rent.”

– FuegoInTheGut, spiteful, awesome. (17 upvotes)

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6. Dave Rastovich Transitions Into Ambassador Role With Patagonia

“Ohhhh I see… so he is quitting “professional surfing” (surf trips, videos and photos) to embark on a new journey as an “ambassador” (surf trips, videos and photos).”

– Les Grossman, realist. (9 upvotes)

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5. A Reel Of Huge Mexican Sand Drains To Enhance Your Day

“I was going to watch this on the way to work but there was a Pikachu nearby and I lost my shit.”

– Wiggolly’s Paddling Style, engaged. (6 upvotes)

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4. This Is Not About Sharks: Stab’s Picks For The J-Bay Open

“I’m due for a root but that doesn’t mean I’d back myself next time I go out.”

– Noa’s last dart, perspective. (17 upvotes)

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3. The Right Has Become A Tow Circus

“‘Popular wave gets crowded’ – In other news, the sky is blue and water is wet. Thanks Stab.”

– Hypto Krypto One Board Quiver, wonderfully sarcastic. (7 upvotes)

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2. Right Foot, Leg And Other “Unidentified” Human Body Parts Wash Up On Copacabana Sand

“Did it have Modom’s Shark Repellent leash attached to it?”

– Claiming Medina. (18 upvotes)

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1. John John Florence In “Twelve”

“I bet my virginity that Slater comes out as John’s dad in the finale.”

– noadeanesmoustache, predictions. (14 upvotes)

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