Stab Magazine | The Day Before The (Jaws) Dance

Stab High Sydney is live on October 10 + 11 (Oct 9 + 10 4pm PST)

447 Views

The Day Before The (Jaws) Dance

Rory Parker’s maiden broadcast from Maui.

news // Oct 28, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Maui on Stab’s dime?  Yes, please!

Let’s push that travel budget to the limit! Live the motherfucking dream! Mama’s Fish House for dinner. Macadamia nut heel scrubs and deep tissue massage. Drinks are on me. Anyone know a dealer who’ll write out a receipt?

Or, I guess, a rental car and a private room in Wailuku. I can handle a hostel, I’m not yet that soft. Won’t do a dorm room. Been there, done that. My nights of trying to sleep while my bunk mate furtively masturbates are long in the past. If anyone’s uncomfortable it’s gotta be you. If anyone’s acting sexually inappropriate it better be me.

Inter-island travel is an expensive milk run. Last minute flights don’t come cheap. Cramming into a flying fart box, people sniffing, sneezing, contaminating my space. Could’ve done without the haole trio’s over-loud kvetching about the difficulty of turning a profit from their respective AirBnBs. But the flight attendants were lovely. Handing out POG and aloha. The water off Molokai is iron red from the recent rains. Defunct cane fields fill the valley. Haleakala towers overhead. Maui is a lovely island.

A nice young lesbian paid me a compliment on my t-shirt. An elderly gay man did too. I don’t know what to take away from the interactions, but I do enjoy the attention.

A long car rental line dictates politeness. As annoying as the wait maybe you know they don’t get paid shit. Surely not enough to deal with a pissy attitude. So I’m pure happy smiles. Upbeat, open. A total act. But people appreciate that kind of thing. It may feel fake to me, but they can’t tell the difference.

“Hey, brother, I tossed in an upgrade. It’s in C-64. Enjoy your trip.”

What a nice fellow.

The candy apple red hardtop Mustang was not what I expected. Not what I wanted. I considered heading back inside, asking for something that didn’t shout “haole asshole” quite so loudly. But no one enjoys having a kind deed denied and I’m trying to be a kinder man. Besides, it’s fairly on the nose. And I did pack an aloha shirt. Fuck it, I’ll own it. Wide open towards Paia, I can accept what I am.

Rory redcar

Here on ‘business’.

Checked Ho’okipa before sundown. Still too early for the forecast swell to show. But the wind’s dead calm. Not typical, it bodes well. It’s slightly overhead. I arrive in time to see a set clean up the lineup. Not big big, but bigger. A north wind creeps in before dark, makes my heart skip. But it dies with full dark. Gives me hope for tomorrow.  Because my fear, deep down inside, is towering sets marching in from the horizon right as the sun goes down. Peaking in the dead of night, then dropping with the dawn. It could happen. The way life works it probably will.

But Pe’ahi is a spectacular show. One my own jaded ass loves with all his might. The energy in the air, the cliff top view from the contest area. It’s truly magnificent, something that pictures and video can’t quite do justice. Feeling fear from a safe perch as some madman scrambles over the ledge. Watching the lunatic chopper pilot roar overhead, plummet over the cliff’s edge, then ride the wind up the face of a moving mountain. Screaming with the luck few privileged enough to score a spot. I love it. Can’t wait for it. 

Worst case scenario, I’ll eat Krispy Kremes and bemoan my fate. Trapped on an awesome island for three days with nothing to do but cause enough trouble to make an interesting story. Poor me.

Maybe the young accents I hear giggling from the common room can help. I better go check. Fortune favours the bold.

Rory Peahi1

Who needs a live feed when you have the lens of one, “I am not a photographer” Rory Parker?

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Joyride: The Twin Fin That Changed Everything

The Christenson Lane Splitter lives up to the hype, and the OP3 creates its own.

Oct 13, 2025

Your Beach Now Belongs To Someone Richer

How colonial laws and resort walls are locking Jamaican surfers out of their own island.

Oct 12, 2025

Joel Vaughan & Sierra Kerr Just Beat The World Champs At Stab High Sydney

Loci Cullen and Skai Suitt win Bottle Rockets and Ladybirds, all presented by Monster Energy.

Oct 11, 2025

Watch: Best Stab High Ever?

We're not into hyperbole — just repeating what we heard on site.

Oct 11, 2025

Watch The Replay: Finals Day At Stab High Sydney Presented By Monster Energy 

Time to give away $60k. 

Oct 10, 2025

The World vs The World Champ At Stab High Sydney x Monster Energy Day 1

No, Yago Dora did not win today. But he did surf incredibly well.

Oct 10, 2025

Full Replay: Day 1 Of Stab High Sydney Presented By Monster Energy 

271 air sections vs 53 surfers, including the 2025 world champ, pro skaters, children, and…

Oct 9, 2025

We Built An Acid Drop For The Stab High Warm-Ups

Poolside from Sydney, presented by Monster Energy.

Oct 9, 2025

SEOTY: Portugal’s Shark-Eyed Prince João Mendonça In ‘Same Same’

You won’t hear much from the young Portuguese surfer's mouth, but his SEOTY entry says…

Oct 8, 2025

How To Win Stab High, According To The Defending Champ 

“I’d rather lose first heat and have heaps of fun than win a comp being…

Oct 8, 2025

Breaking: Yago Dora And Molly Picklum To Headline Stab High Sydney 2025 x Monster Energy

World champs vs. the world.

Oct 6, 2025

Does Kelly Slater Know Who Andrew Jacobson Is?

Does anybody? Let's find out in Chapter11's latest character profile, 'This is Where I Am'.

Oct 5, 2025

The Olympic Gold Medalist Is Now World #1

And a 14-year-old girl is right there beside him — our Portugal CS Report.

Oct 5, 2025

Can Surfing Ever Stop Destroying The Places It Loves?

A critical examination of surf tourism via Rebecca Coley's new film, 'Point Of Change.'

Oct 5, 2025

What Does It Really Mean To Be An OnlyFans ‘Athlete’?

We asked Lucia Martiño and Brooke Daigneault, who've been using the platform in very different…

Oct 3, 2025

Nate Florence Signs Career-Altering Deal With Red Bull

"With their resources it's like, am I getting a helicopter to surf iceberg slabs off…

Oct 2, 2025

Surfing’s 2025 Q3 Report

Surfing’s culture, champions, and environmental mutations — audited by men in grey suits.

Oct 2, 2025

Watch: 69 Tubes, 3 Turns, And A Jonah Hill Interrogation

The recipe for Tosh Tudor's latest film, Tubefession.

Oct 1, 2025
Advertisement