Are You Supposed To Watch The QS
Stab’s official guide.
It has been said that watching the WSL’s World Qualifying Series is similar to purchasing a fifth of cheap whiskey on a Tuesday when it’s raining and you should be at work but you go to a horseracing track instead because you have a good feeling about a beautiful thoroughbred named Phantom Pete in the seventh race.
No deep connection there. It’s just that both are questionable investments of time.
Did you know there’s a QS on right now? It’s the renowned Ichinomiya Chiba Open. I’d want to immediately click out of this article and punch someone’s face if I read that sentence too, but let’s hear it out for a second. Here’s a list of some of the surfers in the event:
Mason Ho, Mikey Wright, Yadin Nicol, Jack Robinson, Parker Coffin, Louie Hynd, Adriano de Souza, Yago Dora, Brett Simpson, Carlos Munoz, Ethan Ewing, Griffin Colapinto, Mitch Coleborn, Kanoa Igarashi, Soli Bailey, Evan Geiselman, Leonardo Fioravanti, Frederico Morais.
A lot of talent there.
The problem with the Q is that such talent gets hidden and occasionally beaten by some real fucking cowboys. We’re talking dudes with two stickers and a hopeless fantasy. The QS is to surfers what LA is to aspiring actors and models. Reality distorts, dreams explode and failure leads to someone asking you to take off your shirt.
But still, the talent is there. A win at an event like Chiba is huge in terms of qualification. And, sometimes, worthwhile shit actually happens in heats. It begs the question: Are you supposed to watch the QS? The answer varies per individual, so I built you a guide.
How much time do you have?
A) I have been to Coachella more than three times.
B) I have normal interests and responsibilities.
C) Should probably mow the lawn later.
D) Don’t know. My Freestyle Shark watch stays on 20:00 countdown mode 24/7.
If you could add one more word to the WSL’s speed, power and flow criteria, it would be ________.
C) Power (twice for emphasis).
What is the best surf movie of all time?
A) Noa Deane saying “Fuck the WSL”
B) Anything by Kai Neville.
C) Anything not by Kai Neville.
D) Day 3 highlights from the 2014 Buffalo City Surf Pro at Nahoon Reef.
Which is the most impactful human creation?
D) Four-man priority.
Why didn’t Dane win a World Title?
A) He got in his own head too much.
B) His surfing didn’t suit competition.
C) He wasn’t good enough.
D) The Art of War is an ancient Chinese military text from the 5th century BC. Written by Chinese strategist Sun” Master Sun” Tzu, each of the text’s 13 chapters are devoted to a different aspect of warfare.
Give yourself one point for every A) Answer, two points for every B) Answer, three points for every C) Answer and four points for every D) Answer. Double your score if you follow any of these people on Instagram: Thiago Guimaraes, Wade Glasscock, Drew Courtney, Dolph Lundgren. Cut your score in half if you own any of these things: single fin, twin fin, quad, fedora, decent-sized home.
½ – 5 points: Sick Prius.
6 – 14 points: You should only watch Prime events.
14-20 points: You should watch every QS.
20-40 points: You are Wade Glasscock.
That settles it. What was the horse’s name again?
The WSL Pumps Over 10 Million USD Per Year Into CT Prize Money
Here’s how much surfers make, and how dramatically that’s changed over the years.
The Worst Day Of Competitive Surfing (So Far) In 2023
With 2-point heat wins and 30-minute lulls, Day 3 of the Billabong Pro Pipeline was…
Unlocked: ‘Toasted,’ By Caity Simmers
Your favorite surfer directs, edits, and stars in her first feature film.
More Dane Reynolds Than You Can Stomach In One Serving
Chapter 11 TV is everything surf media needs.
Kanoa Igarashi On Concussions, Goose Chases, Title Visions, The Three Types Of Surfers CT’ers Encounter In The Water, And More
A candid and wide-ranging conversation with 2022 World #5.
Can Small-Scale Investors Buy Into Wave Pools?
Say you got $10k and a dream — what can you do?
An Early Pipeline Exit For Stephanie Gilmore Amidst GenZ Glory
Day Two of the 2023 CT season was a clear notice that the kids are…
Hand-Shaping, Glassing, And Finishing ’70s-Inspired Displacement Hulls Will Not Make You Rich
Profile: Tristan Mausse of Fantastic Acid is in it for all the right reasons.
Hassling, Head-Dips, and Broken Apple Watches
The 2023 CT is underway. Here's what happened on Day One of the Billabong Pro…
Stephanie Gilmore And Filipe Toledo Are The 2022 Stab Surfers Of The Year
Caity and Hughie take Best Juniors, “NOZ VID” wins best film, and Ho and Pringle…
Red Bulls, Crypto Bears, Former’s Six-Figure Fish, Tyler’s Multi-Millions And More
A brief catalog of the latest surf industry news and whispers.
“Definitely The First Time I’ve Gone Surfing Via Plane”
Parker Coffin, Harrison Roach, and friends tear through NZ on Roark's most well-rounded surf trip…
Pipe Preview: This Year Feels Different
With John and Gabs healthy — and the arrival of the femme next-gen — here’s…
WSL Tells Competitors: ‘You Better Like Them Apples’
Will mandating competitors to wear Apple Watches make the 2023 tour more or less engaging?
Stab Surfer of the Year: John John Florence, Italo Ferreira, Balaram Stack, Rolo Montes, and Shaun Manners
Day 9: "You can't do better than his year last year." - John John Florence
Full Moon Surfs, Impassable Puddles, And A Few Nights Spent Sleeping In A WSL Commentary Booth
A reader-submitted collection of nonconformist surf stories.