25 Year Old Asymmetrics, The New Olympic Logo, And How To Differentiate Your 5’11” Filled Quiver

You ever have one of those sessions where you surf like you’ve never surfed before?

Not in a way like: you’re combo’d and you need to “surf like you’ve never surfed before” to win the World Title. More like, “wow, I’m surfing like I have literally never surfed before.” Surfing like you’re a German backpacker with a rockered out, 90’s shaped, 6’6” thruster, trying to stand up in the white wash.

One day you’re surfing like Julian Wilson. The next, Owen Wilson.

If all else fails you can just blame your board. Surely it’s got too much volume in it, your wax is slippery or some other bullshit excuse as to why you surf like De Souza when he did his knee at the Supertubos shorey.

Anyway, here’s the week’s (or more aptly, fortnight’s) musings from the Greenroom.

Dunno what’s more embarrassing, wearing your leggie on your front font on national television or people knowing you watch terrible Australian reality tv shows.

That girl could smell a kook a mile away. He’s definitely not getting a rose.

What is this, the Big Wave World Tour?

Cyclone Oma sure was poorly timed for the Noosa longboarding event…

Being a pro surfer can be pretty tough. Getting paid to travel the world, surfing exotic locations can be a real grind. One of the hardest parts of the job is remembering which 5’11” is your “magic stick” when you have 25 of them.

While “sprays” and artwork look good, the main purpose is so that the pro doesn’t have to sift through a garage full of boards to find the one he or she wants, they can just look at a colour, thus saving precious energy needed to go to work*.

*Surf all day. 

The ISA (International Surfing Association) has this week released the image that will be representing surfing at the Japan 2020 Olympics, complete with a 1:1 scale, life sized depiction of the waves that are expected to be surfed for the first ever surfing event in Olympic history.

While the the International Olympic Committee may have got the wave size correct, they missed two other important factors in pro surfing, side fins.

We can only hope that the image of the surfer riding a single fin implies that like your local boardriders, we will be having a retro division in the Olympic competition.

Shrouded in a haze of bong smoke like a phoenix rising from the back shed of the shaping bay, the life long shaper acknowledges your presence with a startled “ah ya bastard, ya scared the shit outta me.” Which comes as a surprise to you as he was talking to you 90 seconds ago before he took a stroll to the shed.

“Yeah none of this asymmetric shit is new, I was shaping them since back in the late 80’s. No one knew they were asymmetric and I didn’t tell anyone that they were, they just kinda ended up like that you know. It’s called innovation. Or is it evolution? Ahh I can’t remember shit these days, must be the resin fumes.” quipped the master craftsman, again not surprising you as he just said the exact same sentence 90 seconds ago before he went to the back shed.

“So you want me to whip you up a new board?”