Stab tackles a truly alarming story hidden by the #DeepState

news // Aug 30, 2018
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Surfing is a dangerous sport.

Many have lost limbs. Some have been paralyzed. Others have literally died at the firm hands of Zeus.

And then just one week ago, right-wing conspiracy blogger Liz Crokin lost two fingers in a surfing accident. According to the video she posted to YouTube, Crokin was dragging her board by (what sounds like was) its leash string when a collision with a wave caused a severe strain on the string, thus causing the “decapitation” (her words) of her two intertwined digits.

Crokin, who is moderately famous for her beliefs in an elite pedofile ring (boasting 90k Twitter followers and 34k YouTube subs), took to Twitter to chronicle the situation, which started normally enough but quickly veered into the obscure:

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.01 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.08 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.16 PM

Finger foods?! Guys and sponge baths?! Sorry… continue.

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.46 PM

Screen Shot 2018 08 29 at 8.36.56 PM

If those tweets didn’t effectively elucidate Crokin’s beliefs, sit back and enjoy this snippet from her 24-minute recount of the surfing incident, in which she indirectly implicates Democratic presidential nominee and a world-renowned performance artist  in her surfing incident:

“These people that I expose engage in witchcraft,” Crokin said. “You know, the people like Marina Abramović, the people like Hillary Clinton, [the people] from the deep state articles that are getting ready to write a hit piece on me right now. Well, look it up. Look it up. Do research on Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and their trip to Haiti and how—I think it was on their honeymoon—they admitted to doing voodoo there together. Research Marina Abramović; she talks about the rituals she does, she’s an occultist.

“All these people dabble in witchcraft and spirit cooking,” she added. “So, do these people do witchcraft against me? Of course they do. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they were casting spells on me the night before.”

So what do you think? Could Hillary and Marina be behind this brutal de-fingering by way of black magic, or did Crokin simply stick her fingers in the wrong hole?


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

$30,000 Boards: How The Occasionally Lucrative Surf Memorabilia Market Works

To the moon or?

Jul 4, 2022

This Is What Rock Bottom Feels Like

“I accidentally shit my wetsuit.”

Jul 3, 2022

How Many Times Can You Surf In A Day?

MISC: You can be a spider.

Jul 3, 2022

The Heroic Story Of A Surfboard That Got Lost At Sea For Three Months Before Returning Home

Disabled surf coach to Gabriel Medina, Andy King, shares a cautionary (but hilarious) tale.

Jul 2, 2022


This Is What Caroline Marks Was Doing Instead Of Surfing G-Land

A tutorial on bouncing back(side).

Jul 1, 2022

How Much Weight Does The Most Important Surf Contest Of Our Time Carry?

Tell us who you think won S.U.R.F.'D plus your chance to win a Soundboks Go.

Jul 1, 2022


Stab Highway California, Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 2 

Featuring the inaugural Steamer Lane Acid Drop Challenge and several burritos.

Jul 1, 2022

I’d Hate Me Too

Confessions of a Stab Highway mall cop.

Jun 29, 2022

A Cost-Per-Wave Breakdown Of The Most Luxurious Surf Trips On The Planet 

From under $30 to $850 a ride. Where you visiting next?

Jun 29, 2022

Big Ramps And A Little Shuvit Highlight Finals Day In Saquarema

Filipe Toledo quadruples down and Carissa Moore breaks through at the Oi Rio Pro.

Jun 28, 2022

True Grit: The Callum Robson Profile

A throwback to a Golden Age of Australian surfing — with a new age twist. 

Jun 28, 2022


Unlocked: Stab’s ‘DNA’—The Colapinto Brothers’ Presented By Monster Energy

A sibling relationship is fueling some of the best surfing in the world.

Jun 28, 2022


Can Four Of Byron Bay’s Most Colorful & Sexy-Haired Pros Handshape, Paint & Surf A Board With Limited Time & Experience?

Byron Bay Brewery and Stab present ‘S.U.R.F.’D.

Jun 27, 2022

Premonition: The Oi Rio Pro Is Going To A Brazilian

And there will be no riot in Rio.

Jun 27, 2022

Captain Fin Co. Has The Most Culturally Relevant Surf Team 

And that’s why the Volcom guys just bought it

Jun 27, 2022

The Slater-Backed South African Girl Who Just Took Her First Trip To Compete Internationally

Meet Indie Osinachi!

Jun 27, 2022

Different Dog, Same Fleas

The greatest rivals of the modern day surf era get matching MCL tears.

Jun 26, 2022

Are You Good At Navigating A Crowd?

MISC: Read the room.

Jun 26, 2022