Stab Magazine | Will The Lack Of A Religous Neck Tattoo Cost Julian Wilson The World Title?
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Will The Lack Of A Religous Neck Tattoo Cost Julian Wilson The World Title?

Tackling the big questions in the latest edition of SPF ratings.

news // Oct 16, 2018
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

What is the one thing that Gabriel Medina, Filipe Toledo, and Italo Ferriera have in common?

If you answered ‘they’re from Brazil’, then guess what, you’re racist because Filipe lives in San Clemente now. The common thread here is that they all have religious tattoos on the back of their necks.

Italo may be out of the World Title race now (RIP), but his tattoo reads “Blessed” with a cross. Meanwhile, Gabriel and Italo’s pieces depict wings — typically associated with either angels or energy drinks. Which brings us to Julian Wilson.

Jesus gives you wings too.

His has been bare since the days of puka shells — which are nothing compared to the passion of the Christ. I’m not saying that this is going to cost him the World Title. I’m just not saying that it won’t. If this race is really going to be neck and neck then he’s going to have to find a way to keep a good head on his shoulders if he wants to pull it off.

Onto the ratings.

#69 The Oprah Winfrey Network

You’d think an organization as reputable as OWN would have known better than to put a SUPer in charge.

Is ‘SUPping’ surfing? We’re yet to decide

#26 Joan Duru

Out of every surfer that hasn’t missed an event this year, Joan is currently ranked the lowest. Some might call this a rough season, but you technically can’t lose a World Title race if you’re not in one to begin with so maybe he’s just playing it smart.

#23 Freddy Morias

Is he the Portuguese Parko or the skinny Wade Carmichael? This has yet to be seen. As it stands, Freddy is currently in 22nd — the last man standing in the race to not fall off Tour. He can buy himself some safety with a big result in his homeland.

https://player.vimeo.com/video/286902150

#19 Griffin Colapinto

It’s kind of funny that this is the 17th best surfer in the world this year, according to the WSL. I put him at 19th though just because I don’t believe in handouts.

#16 Yago Dora

He has no relation to Miki Dora, but there’s just something about winning the air show then going missing when it comes time for the main event. The Dora mystique, if you will. I’m down.

#9 Kolohe Andino

Winning and losing the same heat is an incredible feat and one must be honored on the SPF ratings.

#8 Joel Parkinson

When you crunch the numbers, Parko is actually having the best year out of anyone on the CT this year. And by that I mean he has been having retirement parties all over the place — high performance at its finest. Having three or more parties for the same purpose is an elite-level power move.

#7.33 Wilian Cardoso, Conner Coffin And Wade Carmichael

They are all in (or around) the Top 10, but none of them got invited to the air show for some reason. 

#6 Mikey Wright

He has officially qualified for the CT without qualifying for the CT. It was fast, powerful and fluid — exactly what we like to see here.

#5 Ryan Callinan

Ryan talked a lot about the benefits of meditating in a recent interview with Stab. He was getting meditative before every heat, which turned out to be one of the best strategic plays of the event as you can clearly see the positive effects of closing your eyes instead of watching Jorgann Couzinet surf. 

#3 Gabriel Medina

This is typically the time of year he comes from behind and thrusts himself into the Title race. Will he be comfortable approaching this event from on top? How and where does he thrust from here? That question will be answered in Peniche, which for some reason is not Portuguese for “penis.”  

#1 Filipe Toledo

Filipe once said that it’s not Stab’s articles that will get him barreled. What, then, will?

Maybe the answer to that is a World Title race. Watching him put that tattooed neck on the line at maxing Pipe would be a true spectacle — and watching him pull it all off would be even better. Let’s hope it comes down to that.

The awards.

 

 

Grinder of the event award in loving memory of Bede Durbidge:

La Graviere

Meditation of the event:

Coming soon (I promise)

Conspiracy theory of the event

Kelly Slater has been eating stem cells to heal his foot more quickly so that he can return for Pipe and destroy somebody’s World Title dream.

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