The World According to Stab commenters: NEGATRON

We welcomingly open ourselves to scrutiny from the most pious group of nit-pickers known to man (the Stab commentators!) on a regular basis. But among all the smack talk, sometimes, some real talk penetrates. Or at the very least, someone says enough of the right things, in the right way, that they become known entities. Lesser commenters wait for them to weigh in. And more often than not they’re at the top of the threads, with the most upvotes. These are the commenters the world needs, and the ones we jam with here. Negatron is a gent by the name of Matt McCrory, a fact he’d like to make known before you dive in below, “as I would object to just another anonymous troll writing whatever they want.” He’s from New Zealand’s South Island. And when he isn’t working his day job or getting very salty, he’s delivering concise, logical, and always-colourful brilliance on the Stab forums. A frequent player in Stab‘s Comments of The Week and no stranger to upvotes, Negz went rogue for a while, but we’ve been thrilled to hear his digital voice echoing in the Stab eDungeons of late. Below, we’re given a broad snapshot of his views on surfing, right now. “Patience and tolerance, two things you need to work on.” – Mrs Negz, circa 2013Comments: 898Upvotes: 6720Joined Disqus: February 19, 2014 Stab: What’s wrong with surfing right now?Negatron: Surfers can ride an assortment of wave riding vessels to suit their own unique skill-set, unfortunately posing has left the Beach and entered the Ocean. Snowboarding airs, all grab and spin. Put simply it just looks childish. Higher, faster and further is my aerial viewing reference please. Also, surf-stoked friendly tourists makes it tough to keep up the grumpy local facade. What’s right with surfing right now? Surfers can ride an assortment of wave riding vessels to suit their own unique skill-set. Big airs, big turns and big barrels. Quite often these days, as a combination on a single wave. Who’s the best surfer in the world? I’m all about the Tour as a gauge and going off the last event, Owen has a choke hold on that position. Who’s the best World Tour commentator? Ronnie is. But I do have a soft spot for the old rebel Pottz. What’s wrong with surf media? I don’t engage with the wrong side of the surf-media. If’s it shit I don’t watch, read or listen. Always an alternative. Derek Rielly wanna-be writers shit me. Embarrassing new levels of plagiarism are being reached weekly. Yes its fun to write “LIKE THAT!” but come on fellas, get your own gig. Also a big hate-out to any writers that mention surfing and art-form in the same sentence. Is there anything right with it? Yes, lots… Loving the mini docos, like Stab in the Dark, Trunk talk… Red Bull also doing some insightful work. Pick up the camera and film! Anyway, we the Knights of the rectangular keyboard have the power to filter though the crap and find the gold. Beach Grit, Ain’t That Swell to name a few… Also since the cancerous growth of the “commenting function” on articles at Stab, we get to have our bitchy little hate-filled diatribes. A great release after a stressful day of smiling at work. All hail the mighty inter-web. Who’s the best Stab commenter? Bitter Guy for the wit. Trojan Fan for the hurt. James B for the baiting. Human Guy for the tenderness. And Alf Stewart for the unwavering consistency in the face of adversity. (Hope you’re getting on-top of your health old mate.) The most underrated surfer in the world is? Roy Stewart’s efforts in the 50 foot-plus realm of surfing go largely ignored by mainstream surf media. I blame The Lizard people. For more about crowdfunding Roy’s latest venture or if you’re in the market for a million dollar surfboard head here. The most overrated surfer in the world is? This year on Tour it’s Slater. Once upon a time The King only had to stand up to win a contest. The game’s the same, but the new players are offering a total package with youth on their side. Title number 12 isn’t going to happen this year or next. By then he’ll be 45. Following his ego and wanting to retire on the back of a title or even a win in heaving death-pits against John John Florence will break him, leaving him disillusioned and tired. Retire, relax, make eco-boards and drop epic clips in epic waves. You hearing me, Slater? Kelly, with tweak of the week at Bells this year. Negatron’s advice for Kelly (for whatever it may be worth): “Retire, relax, make eco-boards and drop epic clips in epic waves.” Whatever the champ does, we’ll enjoy. Photo: WSL / Kirstin