The Top 10 Most Commented posts on Stab (2014)
There are certainly two schools of thought when it comes to comments and social media. The first is that anyone can have a voice and technology has brought power to the people. The second is that for fear of being ostracised, our heroes become so politically correct and homogenised, that they lose all personality. We swing […]
There are certainly two schools of thought when it comes to comments and social media. The first is that anyone can have a voice and technology has brought power to the people. The second is that for fear of being ostracised, our heroes become so politically correct and homogenised, that they lose all personality. We swing either way on a day-to-day basis. The Stab comments are a constant source of amusement and irritation, depending on where you sit. But, you cannot doubt the discerning Stab reader. For a hot second, we were even going to get our own replica of the famous Beatles shirt:
But, we left that alone. God bless our commenters. Here are so of the most up-voted comments of the year. And, to set the record straight, our ol’ favourite James B is, in fact, from Brazil (we checked his IP).
In its first year, the new ASP had the most viewed event in the history of professional surfing (Chopes). Not bad. Not one bit bad. Photo: Domenic Mosqueira
10. The WSL is $30-milli in the hole
What: An article about the ASP’s financial status at time of writing.
Why: This piece got us in a little heat with the ASP. Our sources didn’t want to reveal themselves but the thinking and questioning had to be asked: Is the ASP’s spending spree sustainable? The ASP is a business and at this rate of spending as opposed to income, Stab speculated about whether it could bankroll the next three year’s of proposed loss. The piece failed to address other things, too. ASP bashing is as simple as beating down Miley Cyrus. And, we are the first to admit that there is no better time in professional surfing than right now. We love the new ASP and hope there are big backers to keep this WSL dream alive. The once-buoyant backers of the ASP are struggling and without the WSL, we’d be looking at an eight-event tour. Max.
Rip on Stab all you want but I’m thankful they are even writing this shit… surfing’s in such a bubble this will piss somebody important off. But they thought it was important and they published it… Yeah, they whore themselves out to advertisers, that’s called capitalism unless you live in china or maybe Russia so get used to it. Stab guys can be pretty big tards sometimes but on this I feel like they got it right… you wouldn’t find it on Surfline, or Surfer, or Surfing Life, etc. – Manbearpig
Remember when Stab used to post photos of hot girls and videos of guys shredding? That article had about as much fact and credibility as a 60 year old, card reading, crystal touching fortune teller. – Martin Potter’s Teeth
9. #Tournotes: Kelly Slater’s 540
What: Kelly Slater spins frontside through the air one and a half times. The most ever spun through the air prior to this moment was one rotation.
Why: A few reasons. First of all… this is a first. Second, it’s the OG lord hypebeast himself, Kelly Fucking Slater. Third, is it a 720 or a 540? Debate here is endless, as are comparisons to skate and snow. But guess what? Surfing occurs on a moving platform and the old cliche of ‘no two waves are ever alike’ has never been more pertinent. I, personally, believe this is a 540, based purely on the direction of Kelly’s nose when he takes off, compared to where it lands. See! You already wanna tell me I’m wrong! Cue: A coupla hundred comments.
Fuck it, I’m shaving my head. – Alex Hossellman
Slater and his nose blow post maneuver… it’s the hail mary of subtle claims. – NEGATRON
8. Eight Claims from day eight of the Rip Curl Pro, Bells Beach
What: Eight things that Damien Fahrenfort, a great observer of professional surfing, found to be true of the eighth day at Bells this year.
Why: If you’re gonna avoid the fence and make definitive calls, then people are gonna disagree with you. That becomes a thing called discussion. It’s the right to opinion! It’s a microcosm of society! Storm on a soapbox! But f’real, most of this commentary was split between keystroked disapproval of Pottz and Parnell, and disapproval of judging. See snippets below.
Jordy’s 9-whatever was a 10 all day long. Best-ridden wave in a comp in quite a while. Julian acted like a child when he lost to Mick when he should have been thanking his lucky stars he got past Jordy to surf against Mick in the first place.
Something’s a bit off with Kelly’s vibe this year. He’s looking fallible and even a tad old and wobbly in ordinary surf, and his boards aren’t matching his typical looseness. Undoubtedly still supreme in barreling reef waves, though. – david
“Ticking all the boxes” with your critique. Parnell continues his one man war on pro surfing legitimacy with his uninformed blabbering. ASP seems more concerned with appealing to everybody rather than those of us who love surfing. This could be a disaster as we slowly tune out for good. Two minutes of Ward Stories is better than a full day of “Bells.” – Mapski > david
Noa lighting up Rocky Point pre-Surf Poll awards. Photo: Laserwolf
7. Noa Deane and Dion Agius apologise for the Surfer Poll Awards
What: During an acceptance speech for best surf film of the year (Strange Rumblings in Shangri La), cast members Noa Deane and Dion Agius both said things that met a largely unfavourable reception. They later said ‘sorry’.
Why: Because Noa swore (“Fuck the WSL”) while families and kids were watching, and because Dion referred to Xanax in what came across, intentionally or not, as glamorising fashion. Throw this in the already highly intense climate of the Hawaiian winter (where the world tour was climaxing!), and you’ve got, minimum, a collective 5,000 words from those who happened to be on stabmag.com that day.
I don’t need your apologies fellas… Put a mic in my hand, with a gut full of piss when I was 20, I probably would have said something offensive… then again, I am a bit of a cunt. – NEGATRON
Is it just me or does everybody else find it odd that Dion brought a violin around his shoulder the whole night? – Mitch Coleborn
6. Gabriel Medina wins the 2014 Fiji Pro
What: This one’s a rather self-explanatory title.
Why: Because Brazil. Gabs is the new face of professional surfing and comes from one of the world’s most passionate and patriotic countries. Fiji put him closer again to being the first Brazilian world champ, aka closer to what was always gonna be the surf equivalent of Kimmy’s Paper cover. Also, remove any semblance of serious swell during the event window and the bravest dogs have a crack to ooze their favourite vitriol through.
Has a step-up even been waxed this year? – PepperSpray
James B is actually a Stab intern brought in to increase web traffic. – seriously > Guest
5. Gabriel Medina is the 2014 ASP World Champion
What: After a wildly good competitive year, Gabriel Medina becomes the first ever Brazilian World Champ.
Why: It’s a new world. It’s a new future. We all fear change, but be brave in this new world! Embrace Yung GaMe, as we (now) like to refer to him as, because realistically he was always going to win this title. Though, it’s a tough one for non-Brazilian patriots to swallow. It’s radical to have a new burst of luscious curls beneath the crown but there’s plenty who have trouble fathoming it. Meanwhile, Gabs’ monstrous fanbase is hot-blooded and vocal. This much commentary is what happens when you throw a brick and a molotov cocktail in a blender.
Congrats James B, 2014 Stab Mag world champion. – AHAB
Did Julian just touch me? – Lyndie Irons’ Sideboob
4. Mick Fanning wins the 2014 Rip Curl Pro, Portugal
Why: Because Mick winning here, all of a sudden, put him in the world title conversation. Like, big time. This was the last event before Pipe and with a good stretch between the two events, this gave everyone a whole lot to talk about til first siren at the Banzai. And afterwards, come to that.
Check this out: Considering that Kelly doesn’t win pipe, if Medina gets a 13th and Fanning a 5th, they will be tied in points and with the exact same results. According to the ASP rule book, if that is the case, they will have a surf-off to define the champion… That would be fun! – Chris
Mick Fanning could win another world title without trying an aerial in a heat all season… Medina could lose the world title because he tried too many… and Slater might not win the world title but just landed the craziest aerial ever… What does it all mean? Will Mick win another unspectacular title? Does Kelly give a shit? Is Medina folding like a Brazilian goalie? Where’s Wardo? – Mustard Tiger
Portraits: Richard Freeman
3. Otis Carey is suing Nathan Myers and Surfing Life
What: Semi-professional surfer Otis Carey takes Surfing Life to court for printing what he deemed to be defamatory and racially insensitive descriptions of him.
Why: There’s a few things to be talk about here. A small portion questioned whether Myers’ words were as damaging as Otis claimed. Many commenters questioned Otis’ true motives. Others rushed to his defence. Some just wanted to badmouth Myers for previous articles. There was also the usual minority of commenters who sniff anything racially-driven and throw rocks at the glass.
Intent aside, it’s 2014 and if you can’t foresee that comparing an Indigenous Australian to a primate and a primitive neanderthal in the one sentence is going to cause serious offence, you are a fucking idiot. – Dan Hutton
2. Eddie Rothman is displeased with the ASP
What: ASP reduces amount of Hawaiian wildcards for Pipe, Eddie Rothman responds through Vimeo.
Why: Eddie is as polarising as he is notorious. The delivery of his opinions were great cause for discussion (that palm punch!) as were his points. Hawaii is surfing’s birthplace, and shouldn’t they have a big wildcard presence in the event held in their kingdom? Or, should the Pipe Masters be just like every other world tour event in the world, whereby two local wildcards are decided by a pre-main event trials? Yeah, those are two very defined sides to a coin. Which one speaks to you most?
Photo: Dom Mosqueira
1. Gabriel Medina just won the Best Surf Contest ever run
What: Another transparent title. Gabs wins Chopes in bombing turquoise.
Why: Again, because Brazil. Because he beat Kelly Slater. Because Gabriel wasn’t on the biggest waves of the event. Because the waves were so incredible. But, yeah, mostly because Gabriel wasn’t on the biggest waves of the event. Think he cares though? Gabriel’s game was about one thing this year: Winning. And that didn’t necessarily mean throwing himself over the ledge of absolutely any chunk of Pacific-meets-Tahiti purely for glory. It meant being calculated in his choices. Yep, surf contests are still as much about strategy as anything else. And Gabriel’s was faultless, regardless of what the chest beaters of the world thought. Bitch, moan and call him a skirt all you wanna, but who held the Chopes trophy and ultimately, the big cup, at the end?
Dear Filipe, I don’t blame you. Regards, Teahupoo. – BigPhatNose
… and James B collapses from exhaustion on his keyboard, after masturbating himself to the point of dehydration. – Gene Hunt
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