The Greatest Round Two In The History Of Losing

Dawn broke. The surf fired. The Corona J-Bay Open, obviously, was put on hold.

The scapegoat? Devil wind. But let’s be real. That breeze was no more satanic than fourteen beers, an eight ball and a long night at a Central American casino — impure at worst — and we’re only talking about round two here. You’d think they’d just let the kids play.

Kieren Perrow probably got a couple while they waited though, or at least I hope he did. Wouldn’t you?

Eventually, the comp got called on and it flowered into the greatest loser’s round in the history of losing. Highlights included:

Ethan Ewing vs Owen Wright
Apparently, Owen put his jersey on and demanded they didn’t put it on hold any longer. He’s a pretty big dude and, despite his lankiness and general warmth, you’d probably listen when if he’s yelling at you. Despite surfing the best wave of the heat, Ethan continued his winless season. Kind of a power move to take a shot at Ricky Basnett’s record for a winless season on his home turf.

Kolohe Andino vs Jadson Andre And A Bodyboarder
It went back and forth. Then forth and back. Then the manoeuvre of the heat came from a bodyboarder down the point, as he burned Kolohe Andino on the best tube of the affair. A real heads-up, dick-down play at a crucial time in the heat. The boog (and Jadson) walked away victorious.

Kelly Slater vs Roger Federer
Last night, Roger Federer won the Bobby Martinez Wimbledon Open. The victory came years after people said he’d never win another major event. Kelly, after dropping a 9.17 in his first round heat and seeming to have that weird voodoo shit going on, broke his foot while freesurfing at the top of the point during Kolohe and the bodyboarder’s heat. Though the injury serves as a lethal blow to Slater’s Title hopes this year, he still won the heat because Federer is a decade younger and wears headbands.

Leonardo Fioravanti vs Sebastian Zietz
You ever wonder if Sebastian Zietz can feel his bonus thumb when he jams it into a wave to stall? Probably feels kind of cool. Maybe tickles. He dropped the second highest heat score of the day, a 9.83, but made some mistakes and couldn’t back it up. Leo stayed composed, dropped two 8s and earned a date with Jordy in round three.

Filipe Toledo vs Not Looking Like A Moderately Famous Brazilian Hip Hop Artist
With bleached hair and a flashy red wetsuit, Filipe found a tough matchup in the Not Looking Like A Moderately Famous Brazilian Hip Hop Artist competition. Thanks to the sharpest, most confident surfing of the day accompanied by some claims, Toledo’s 19.63 heat total (including a 10), was enough to see him narrowly win the heat.

Zeke Lau vs Wiggolly Dantas
Zeke dropped three 8s. Wiggolly dropped two 8s. Zeke’s top two were higher, though, and he won by .66 points. It was a good mix of speed, power, flow and power.

Tomorrow’s going to drop off a bit before kicking back up. The impure wind might come up for an hour or two in the morning, which could lead to another little delay and a few more waves for KP. Certainly no shortage of those this event.

Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith 10.67 def. Dale Staples 10.27
Heat 2: Matt Wilkinson 13.10 def. Michael February 11.67
Heat 3: Owen Wright 12.34 def. Ethan Ewing 11.10
Heat 4: Jadson Andre 15.80 def. Kolohe Andino 13.20
Heat 5: Julian Wilson 14.27 def. Josh Kerr 12.53
Heat  6: Connor O’Leary 13.40 def. Miguel Pupo 13.10
Heat  7: Leonardo Fioravanti 16.63 def. Sebastian Zietz 15.76
Heat  8: Filipe Toledo 19.63 def. Kanoa Igarashi 12.83
Heat  9: Caio Ibelli 16.43 def. Stuart Kennedy 14.80
Heat 10: Joan Duru 15.87 def. Adrian Buchan 14.00
Heat 11: Ezekiel Lau 17.03 def. Wiggolly Dantas 16.37
Heat 12: Frederico Morais 15.73 def. Ian Gouveia 14.00
 
Round 3 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza vs. Joan Duru
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina vs. Bede Durbidge
Heat 3: Owen Wright vs. Ezekiel Lau
Heat 4: Connor O’Leary vs. Frederico Morais
Heat 5: Mick Fanning vs. Caio Ibelli
Heat  6: John John Florence vs. Jadson Andre
Heat  7: Jordy Smith vs. Leonardo Fioravanti
Heat  8: Filipe Toledo vs. Kelly Slater
Heat  9: Julian Wilson vs. Jeremy Flores
Heat 10: Joel Parkinson vs. Conner Coffin
Heat 11: Michel Bourez vs. Italo Ferreira
Heat 12: Matt Wilkinson vs. Jack Freestone