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We promise this won't (really) hurt.

Wanna win a new surfboard? We have a custom Chilli ‘Black Vulture’ to gift (plus all the trim you’d expect from a premium dealer). To be in the running, just answer a few questions for us. It won’t take long.

Alejo went for it, but couldn't get past TB. ASP/Kirstin
With moments like this. ASP/Kirstin
This turn was a masterkey in Kai's win over Freddy P. He then posted the day's highest total in the p.m.! ASP/Kirstin
Joel beat Patty G. Convincingly. ASP/Kirstin
Even though Patty took swings like this. ASP/Kirstin
Michel was resplendent beneath the lip. ASP/Kirstin
John John steamed outta this... ASP/Cestari
... straight into this. Settled. ASP/Cestari
Sea Bass brings out the best in John John. Great for errbody, except Sea Bass. ASP/Cestari
Mick Fanning swanned through this tub to pass Ramzi. ASP/Cestari
Ramzi couldn't convert his opening 9.17. ASP/Cestari
Kelly's heat was slow but Kelly, being Kelly, made it work. ASP/Cestari
Aritz peaked too early (see that freesurf barrel before the first siren?). ASP/Cestari
Filipe was magical today. ASP/Cestari
And yes, this was a land. A must-see on the heats-on-demand. ASP/Cestari
J-Flo couldn't keep up with the Brazilian. ASP/Cestari
Simpo, dreams alive. ASP/Kirstin
And Miggie fought mean but couldn't topple Kid Wilson. ASP/Kirstin
Contrary to the high-scoring barrels of the morning, Jules won with a backside finner and a frontside slob. ASP/Kirstin
Ain't so often you see Adriano exit an event this early in the piece. ASP/Kirstin
Kieren scoops a 13th. ASP/Kirstin
Jordy steamed into round four. ASP/Kirstin
Ace was very good, but not good enough for Gabs. ASP/Kirstin
Gabs jammed one of the day's highest totals in a late-afternoon round three heat. ASP/Kirstin

The 2013 Quiksilver Pro, France (part three)

Well, what a brief but intensely thrilling morning that was. La Graviere turned the goddamn on and the sun smiled and most everyone got real barreled. Starting with Taj Burrow, who pushed through enough doggy-doors to scoop a ticket over Alejo Muniz. Kai Otton and Freddy P's heat was slow, with the goofyfooters both struggling on the better-at-that-point righthander. Freddy was particularly unimpressed with conditions, and was certainly accurate when he said the heat before his was good, and the heat afterwards would be: Following the all-goofy battle was an all-regular battle between Joel Parkinson and Patty Gudauskas. After his bumpy win over Marc Lacomare, which syphoned much fury from online commentators, Joel made sure to put a stamp over Patty G with convincing dominance.

There was no dip in quality through the following heats, with Michel Bourez posting a total of 16.73 over Kolohe Andino, followed by an unstoppable John John Florence, who shined particularly bright on his first wave, with a smooth barrel to wallet retrieval, netting 8.17 points. Ramzi Boukhiam opened the following heat with a 9.17 (believe dat) and had Mick Fanning on the ropes, if only for a moment – Mick came back strong to lock up a 13.34 total, and Ramzi couldn't convert. One killer moment ain't enough to topple Mr Consistency. Kelly Slater's win over Aritz Aranburu was, admittedly, unspectacular, but might've been different had Kelly pasted his alley oop attempt.

Filipe Toledo on the other hand, did paste his alley oop attempt in the following heat, and it might just be the second biggest ever done in competition (ain't nothing wrong with an outlandish claim, is there?). Filly also steamed through one of the morning's better barrels, and logged the day's second highest combined total of 18.47 over Jez Flores. Following that, Brett Simpson showed Adriano De Souza an uncharacteristically early exit, before Julian Wilson stomped a backside finner and then huge frontside straight air slob for a win over Miguel Pupo. And, like, that's when the tide got too high...

Until three afternoon heats were run, in which the following happened: Gabriel Media beat Ace Buchan in a particularly high-scoring heat (17.87 > 16.40), and Jordy Smith beat Kieren Perrow. One heat of round four was then run, and surprisingly, the last heat of the day churned the day's biggest numbers: Kai Otton 19.17, Joel Parkinson 17.80, Taj Burrow 17.50. Bravo, Mr Otton.

Replays and all that other good stuff, over here.

Heat 2: Michel Bourez (PYF), John John Florence (HAW), Mick Fanning (AUS)
Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA), Filipe Toledo (BRA), Brett Simpson (USA)
Heat 4: Julian Wilson (AUS), Gabriel Medina (BRA), Jordy Smith (ZAF)

Heat 1: Kai Otton (AUS) 19.17, Joel Parkinson (AUS) 17.80, Taj Burrow (AUS) 17.50

Heat 1: Taj Burrow (AUS) 13.50 def. Alejo Muniz (BRA) 7.17
Heat 2: Kai Otton (AUS) 7.40 def. Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) 4.10
Heat 3: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 15.16 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 8.83
Heat 4: Michel Bourez (PYF) 16.73 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 9.50
Heat 5: John John Florence (HAW) 15.67 def. Sebastien Zietz (HAW) 10.20
Heat 6: Mick Fanning (AUS) 13.34 def. Ramzi Boukhiam (MAR) 10.67
Heat 7: Kelly Slater (USA) 11.50 def. Aritz Aranburu (EUK) 9.37
Heat 8: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 18.47 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 2.67
Heat 9: Brett Simpson (USA) 13.77 def. Adriano De Souza (BRA) 12.16
Heat 10: Julian Wilson (AUS) 15.26 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 14.30
Heat 11: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 17.87 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 16.40
Heat 12: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.17 def. Kieren Perrow (AUS) 11.40

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