Stab’s Editor-In-Chief Discriminated Against For Overly Progressive Surfing, Misgendered Rashguard-Wearing, And Gratuitous Cheese Consumption - Stab Mag

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Stab’s Editor-In-Chief Discriminated Against For Overly Progressive Surfing, Misgendered Rashguard-Wearing, And Gratuitous Cheese Consumption

Come on in, the beans are just heating up.

news // Dec 11, 2021
Words by Michael Ciaramella
Reading Time: < 1 minute

This past week, we saw two major professional surfing events come to a close. 

In the first, John Florence turned swine into Spam musubi with the best/worst 10 in recent memory; a 16-year-old took down the Pre-GOAT; 14 rookies qualified for the CT; and the worst heat ever surfed, was surfed (to great success). 

In the second, Stab’s Editor-in-chief’s alter ego was sorely discriminated against for overly progressive surfing, misgendered rashguard-wearing, and gratuitous cheese consumption. Seriously, a 2.83 for two turns and a shuv? Go eat some more horses, Switzerland. 

Also on the competitive front, South African surfers are being bent over the proverbial barrel by their country’s too-good-for-their-own-good pathologists, who discovered the new Slater Designs x Tomo board model before it was meant to be released. 

And lastly, Italo Ferreira is worse at cooking eggs than our own Danny Johnson is at cooking beans (and Danny’s really bad at cooking beans). 

If none of this made any sense, that’s because you haven’t yet listened to this week’s episode of The Drop. Find it above, or on Spotify, SoundCloud, or Apple Pods, under the name ‘Stab Podcasts’. 

Time codes, for those who need their crust cut off:
Big Dick Power Surfer Does Switzerland (1:00)
Best Wetsuits tongue bath (15:30)
Omicron has nine fins (20:50). 
talo Ferreira also named GQ Man of the year — who’s next? (27:00)
What’s coming on Stab premium? (31:00)
Danny’s deeply scarring surf sin (34:30)
The Stab CUSP breaks down Haleiwa (43:00)


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