Stab Magazine | Plot Twist: Do Goofies Actually Make Up 50% Of The Surfing Population?
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Plot Twist: Do Goofies Actually Make Up 50% Of The Surfing Population?

While conventional wisdom says that regular-foots comprise a strong majority of surfers, early signs in our Stance Poll point to a different conclusion. 

news // Mar 27, 2019
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Well, here’s something that will make you question life itself. 

Yesterday the Stab team had its weekly meeting, in which various topics were discussed, from our Quik Pro coverage to Electric Acid 2 to the future of Stab High and so forth, before somebody asked, “Hey, how did that Stance Poll go, by the way? The one for the …Lost Maysym board.”

So we checked, and, well…

 

Screen Shot 2019 03 26 at 9.50.42 AM

It must be the Russians.

When looking at this straight-forward chart, we found ourselves utterly perplexed. Because in no world, real or imagined, does it make sense that the spread between regular and goofy-foots would be 50/50. Paddle out in any lineup around the world except for maybe Mundaka and you will see a majority of natural-foots. That’s why they’re called natural-foots, for Drouyn’s sake. 

Yet, in a poll of nearly 5,000 people, we’re being told a completely different story.

How could that be?

Now that we’ve been able to take a step back and think about it logically, this anomaly actually makes a lot of sense. Why? Because this was an opt-in poll (meaning they had to come to us, versus us approaching random surfers at beaches around the world) where participants already knew the question they were being asked before agreeing to do it. And, for two distinct reasons, goofies had more incentive to participate than regulars.

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“Raghhhhhh!” grunts Mick Campbell, on behalf of all goofies. Photo: WSL 

  1. Goofies have always had a chip on their shoulder. Being part of a minority, you’re often subject to undue ridicule and made to feel lesser than your peers. In no community is this truer than in surfing, where wearing the wrong length boardies, riding an inappropriately-lengthed craft, or standing with the right (AKA wrong) foot forward are all grounds for social suicide. Due to this cycle of oppression, it’s possible goofy-foots have banded together to show that a small group of powerful individuals can be more powerful than a large group of dullards. In other words, think of goofies like the Spartans in 300, with Mick Campbell as their Leonidas. 
  2. Goofies had a better chance of winning a surfboard. The main perk of participating in this poll was that you’d be entered to win a new …Lost Maysym of your directional preference. There was one board available for regulars and another for goofies. Because conventional wisdom tells us that there are more natural-foots than goofies, those who stand with the right foot forward might have been more inclined to participate in this poll, because their chance of winning was (theoretically) that much higher. But they’ve gone and fucked it all up with their incorrigible zeal!

In conclusion, it could be assumed that basic human nature has set this poll askew. This is a shame for everybody involved, as there was valuable intel to be gleaned if we had properly considered these factors (and the inner fire of the goof).

Or possibly, said conventional wisdom is wrong – and this new study claiming a half and half goofy to regular world will forever change our perception of the best foot forward as we know it.  

If any regular-foots feel so inclined to right the scale, you can still participate in our poll here. The board winners have not yet been selected. 

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