Stab Magazine | Official: Kelly Slater To Open World's Greatest Retirement Home For Surfers

Live Now: How Surfers Get Paid — The Queens of Ascension

6 Views

Official: Kelly Slater To Open World’s Greatest Retirement Home For Surfers

Palm Beach gives green light for Surf Ranch Palm Beach, the greenest pasture you could ever ask to live out your days…

news // Oct 27, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

Like prophecy ringing loud and true, today Kelly Slater announced his magical wonderland would officially be duplicated, far from the dusty, dry inland scrub where the first incarnation resides: the Surf Ranch is heading to the swampy green pastures of Palm Beach, Florida.

Taking to Instagram, and flanked by suits of—considering it is Florida, and Palm Beach County nonetheless—questionable character, Mr. Slater had this to say: “Well…it’s official…we have a building permit in Palm Beach County for #SurfRanchFlorida. I’m beyond proud and stoked to see the first of our developments at @kswaveco going to my home state of #Florida. Thank you to Mayor Burdick and the city commissioners for your approval and support of the project. Also thank you to #JupiterFarms for your comments and support. Looking forward to being neighbors. I keep joking about it but it might be true that now I can move back home now and surf as much as I want! Cannot wait to see a bunch more stoked people riding waves. This is gonna be fun.”

As our beloved ol’ grizzly bear Rory Parker noted last week in his adolescent fantasy, the Palm Beach Surf Ranch will be a grey hair paradise, venerable viagra for those of the torn rotator cuff, cranky knees: 

“It’s fitting that Slater and co. are eyeing Palm Beach, Florida for the next big project,” Parker wrote. “America’s wang is the perfect place to be put out to pasture.  A relatively low cost of living, warm weather year-round. An ocean better suited to fishing than surfing. A man with a plan could buy a shanty with a dock and wait around to die. Grab a handful of ersatz waves at the local pool each day, just enough to maintain the stoke. Just enough to imagine he hasn’t quit trying.”

Here’s to never giving up, and to Kelly Slater for building himself a local lab, the shelf life of, at the very least his tuberiding game, extended indefinitely. 

 

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Can Medina Overcome His CT Drought In Tahiti?

Tahurai Henry offers his picks for the SHISEIDO Tahiti Pro

May 21, 2024

The 35 Best Song Pairings In Surf Films, As Ranked By Dane Reynolds, Taylor Steele & You

From Noa Deane and Courtney Love, to Andy Irons and Coldplay, to Creed McTaggart and…

May 20, 2024

Is This The Most Cost Efficient Way To Noticeably Improve Your Surfing In A Single Month?

All you can eat for $1500 AUD at URBNSURF Melbourne.

May 20, 2024

Watch And Learn: How To Score A Solo Sesh At 8-Foot Teahupo’o With Leonardo Fioravanti

Skip lunch and gorge.

May 19, 2024

Full Frame: The Story Behind The Photo You’ve Seen 1,000 Times

A viral ménage à trois in Bali.

May 18, 2024

Meet The Man Who Runs Kelly Slater’s Burgeoning Surf Empire

The Stab Interview with Dylan Slater. 

May 18, 2024

How Surfers Get Paid: Season 2, Episode 4

80+ interviews later, it's time to "send out the chicks".

May 17, 2024

How To Get To Stab High Japan

BYO ligaments. 

May 16, 2024

CT Earlybirds, Tahitian Warlords, And Aspirational Teenagers Divide Spoils From “11 out of 10” Teahupo’o Blob

Eimeo Czermak, Balaram Stack, Liam O'Brien, Cannon Carr, and Ryan Miller divulge tales from the…

May 16, 2024

The Lefts Off The Rights

Detailing the goofy-footed proclivity to go against the grain.

May 15, 2024

Watch: ‘Shotgun’ featuring Josie Prendergast & Taj Richmond

The allure of contradiction, displayed in the virtue of Northern Rivers sand.

May 15, 2024

How Accurate Were Our Pre-Cut Predictions?

Reflecting on the rookie-centric forecasts offered by CJ Hobgood, Stace Galbraith, Brett Simpson, and Mikey…

May 14, 2024

Local Wildcard Jordy Lawler Dusts 79 Transplants, Issy Nichols Denies Prodigy Erin Brooks Another Plush Toy

The Stab High winner is one semi-final away from tour qualification after only two events.

May 14, 2024

Which 2024 Stab High Competitor Has Given Us The Best Surf Part?  

Noa Deane, Chippa Wilson, Julian Wilson, Ian Crane and more duel for the most impactful…

May 13, 2024

There Are Still Perfect, Empty Waves Left In The World

Soli Bailey, Timo Simmers + Layne Stratton on the sand-bottomed unicorn seen in ‘Maps to…

May 13, 2024

What Happened To Bali?

And is an ethical future for surf development possible in Indonesia?

May 12, 2024

Premium Peek: Mason Ho + Sheldon Paishon Vs A Scottish Widow Maker

Less like a wave, more like a German Panzer tank (180 tons, FYI).

May 12, 2024

Tactical Burn, Shove + Leash Pull Ends In Tears, Disqualification + Fines At ISA World Juniors 

The young Portuguese surfer has since apologized for her 'grevious unsportsmanlike conduct'. 

May 11, 2024
Advertisement