Listen: “A Missile May Impact On Land Or Sea Within Minutes”

On Saturday, Hawaii awoke and thought, “This is the end, my only friend, the end.”

By now you’ve heard of the emergency alert that essentially said, hey, some of you are gonna die.

“BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.”

This, after a long 30 minutes, was followed by a message alerting everybody of a false alarm.

From what I’ve heard, when the alert went off, cars stopped on the side of the road. People bolted across Kam Highway into Sunset Elementary, looking for cover. Honolulu was in mass hysteria. People phoned their family members, sobbing on the roadside–struck by the anxiety of uncertain demise. Grant Duncan, who is over here filming for Weedmaps, was dropping Brian Beilmann and Laurent Pojul off at the airport to go to Jaws when the above recording took over the radio. 

The question remains, How the fuck does this happen? The simple answer, spoon fed by Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency, is an employee pushed the wrong button. But, if someone pushed the wrong button, wouldn’t they push the “Oh, shit we pushed the wrong button” button within the next few minutes. Five minutes would be fine. Even ten. But 30? That’s enough time to wonder why you hadn’t already prepped for doomsday. Also, apparently this same agency is currently receiving death threats. 

That wrong button set off this radio broadcast which took over all frequencies on the islands. It included everything you didn’t want to hear such as:

This is not a drill. Pull your car over and seek shelter immediately. A missile may impact land or sea in a matter of minutes. If you are driving, pull safely to the side of the road and find cover or lay on the ground.

Wait, a matter of minutes!

According to the Washington Post, if North Korea launched a ballistic missile or ICBM it “would take about a half an hour to reach the U.S mainland.” 

Listen above, feed your paranoia.