Stab Magazine | Here's What Happens When A Hawaiian Resident Shoots At His Neighbor

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Here’s What Happens When A Hawaiian Resident Shoots At His Neighbor

Rory’s Rumblings, Guns: “They’re fun. They’re masculine. They’re American!” 

news // Jun 5, 2018
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I’ve written a bit, in the past, about my love for guns.

They’re fun. They’re masculine. They’re American!

Unfortunately, I don’t actually own any. Sure, I’ve got plenty of dangerous shit laying around my home, but nothing that could effectively incapacitate a neighbor should I discharge it through my bedroom wall after a long day of heavy drinking. 

There’s also the fact that, should I decide to purchase some variety of rad and easily concealable pistol, I wouldn’t be able to do much with it. I live in the freedom-hating welfare state known as Hawaii, where employers are forced to provide healthcare and terrified citizens are forced to leave their best weapons at home.

I mean, what’s the point of buying a semi-automatic piece of polymer if I can’t bring it with me everywhere I go? What if I’m attacked by a wild animal? What if a teenager scares me? What if I see someone stealing the change out of my car? What if I finally encounter a long harbored hero fantasy?  What then?

Thankfully, not all of my fellow residents are as cowardly as me.

Last Wednesday, Leilani Estates resident, and proud patriot, John Hubbard exercised his 2nd amendment rights the way all proud men should. While arguing with a stranger he produced a concealed firearm and let loose with a hail of bullets that effectively intimidated the smaller man into retreat.

Liberal crybaby critics will no doubt claim that Mr Hubbard was committing a “crime.” That he is guilty of illegal concealed carrying, brandishing a firearm, discharging a firearm, and terroristic threatening. They’ll clutch their gender reassignment hormones in fear and cry that Mr. Hubbard is a menace. That he is obviously mentally unhinged and has no business owning a gun. 

A real man will point out that, had his opponent been in a position to return fire, the situation would have turned out very differently.  


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