Stab Magazine | Here's Our Very Best Attempt At Calculating World Title Scenarios

Live Now... Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 3

182 Views

Here’s Our Very Best Attempt At Calculating World Title Scenarios

I put every ounce of my third grade math skills into this.

news // Oct 26, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

On our Portugal wrap-up post, one commenter made a comically astute observation. Stoner, referencing Ashton’s earlier words, said: “While we’re still tabulating the scenarios,” which really means…. “While we’re waiting for someone else to post the scenarios because we can’t count.” And if that wasn’t so hilariously valid, it might have stung a little. The truth is that no one at Stab, besides maybe our savvy leader Sammy Mac, would know their asymptotes from their ellipses.

We are writers; filmers; designers; artists! And numbers, even in their simplest form, are rarely understood by those who choose cultural experiences over cold hard cash. 

But I promise you, readers, that I really did try to get this math right. I even drew little diagrams, pie charts, used a TI-89 calculator and everything!

With one contest remaining, here is what will need to happen for any of the four remaining WT contenders (John, Gabby, Jordy, Julian) to win the Title. 

Screen Shot 2017 10 25 at 12.44.37 PM

The Dark Lord has returned once more. Photo: WSL/Poullenot

If John makes the final at Pipe: he wins the title. 

If John places 3rd or 5th: Medina can win the title with a Pipe Masters victory. 

If John places 9th: Medina can win with a 2nd or better. Jordy can also win with a Pipe Masters victory, assuming Gabby doesn’t place 2nd or better. 

– If John places 13th or 25th: Medina can win with a 5th or better. Jordy can also win with a 2nd or better, assuming Gabby doesn’t place 3rd or better. Julian can also win with a Pipe Masters victory, assuming Gabby doesn’t place 5th or better and Jordy doesn’t place 2nd or better. 

Essentially, the title is still John’s to lose, but with a strangely mediocre history at the Pipe Masters and a rampaging Medina hot on his heels, rest assured John will have an uneasy 43 days in the lead-up to this event. Heavy lies the crown. 

Aaaand now feel free to blast my mathematical blunders in the comments…

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Watch: Channel 51 — A Lexus Pipe Pro Finals Day AltCast 

Live on Red Bull TV, featuring Coco Ho, Damien Fahrenfort, Josiah Amico, Hughie Vaughan, and…

Feb 8, 2025

Pipeline Erupts, Perfect 10s Drop, Slater Feasts On The Blood Of The Youth

Jack Robinson, John John Florence both eliminated despite posting 10s*.

Feb 8, 2025

Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 3

Outer Banks secret sessions, Waffle House meltdowns, and the worst way to try an air…

Feb 7, 2025

“When I Stand Up, I Want To Kill – Fucking Redlining Like I Want To Ruin The Wave”

Triple Crown winner Finn McGill blends vintage Pancho Sullivan power with a Stab High-worthy air…

Feb 7, 2025

International Crime Syndicate Steals Millions From California Surfers, Gets Caught By Local Vigilantes

Victims include: Taro Watanabe, Reef McIntosh, Tyler Gunter, and 'Snapt' creator Logan Dulien.

Feb 6, 2025

Attrition at Pipe: Six Specialists Eliminated After Grueling Day At Lexus Pipe Pro

Moana Jones-Wong, Erin Brooks, Vahine Fierro + other big names axed.

Feb 6, 2025

Big Idea, Small Budget, And A High Level Of Danger?

Who’s Stab gonna call: Miles Pitt.

Feb 5, 2025

The Story Behind Sammy Pupo’s Backdoor-Inflicted Shiner

“Everything went blurry and for 15 minutes, I was stumbling around, barely able to walk…

Feb 5, 2025

Once A Pipe Master, Always A Pipe Master

Robbie Page stars in Oxbow's 'Walkabout'.

Feb 4, 2025

Born or Built? The Psychology of Confronting Heavy Waves

Nurture in nature with Shane Dorian, Carissa Moore, Al Cleland, and CJ Hobgood.

Feb 3, 2025

SEOTY: Albee Layer Stars In ‘Pure’, Rants A Little, And Reveals His Post-Surfing Career Path

Plus, the one that got away.

Feb 2, 2025

Jah Bless: More Rasta Freesurfing Clips

Point break porn ft. two Dead Kooks ‘Yin Yangs’.

Feb 2, 2025

The 2024 Eddie Winner On Addiction, Jail Time, And His Long Road To Glory

The Stab interview with Landon McNamara.

Jan 31, 2025

Watch: Postcards From Motel Hell Pt 3 – The Ireland Section

Wade gets stuck in another cave, Craig breaks his hoof, Haz and Lowe get minced…

Jan 31, 2025

Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 2

Strip club weddings, phallic haircuts, Gorkin flips, and cavorting with sharks.

Jan 31, 2025

The First Score Of The 2025 Championship Tour Was A Tube… By Edgard Groggia

Not as good as it gets, but much better than we deserve.

Jan 30, 2025

“The Machine Makes The World Spin. Rage, Fear, Oppose – We’re All A Part Of It.”

Lucas 'Skywalka' Godfrey stars in 'Fear The Machine'

Jan 29, 2025

It’s Time For A New Rivalry In Surfing

Can the next-gen of women deliver the conflict every sport needs?

Jan 28, 2025
Advertisement