Filipe Toledo May Or May Not Be The Ultimate Surfer - Stab Mag

Filipe Toledo May Or May Not Be The Ultimate Surfer

Episode 7 is a wrap, find out who’s advancing to tomorrow’s finale.

Words by The Ultimate Surf Fan

Of all the dazzling and sculpted Ultimate Surfer contestants, Zeke Lau stands out the most.

He looks like a Varsity quarterback taking over JV scrimmage. Zeke’s turns are sharper, his runs are cleaner, and even his level of focus seems more mature. 

This makes sense, considering he was actually on the CT from 2017-2019. Throughout his career on Tour, he competed in 34 events and won 27 heats. Nobody else on the men’s side of the cast has more than a heat’s worth of major league experience. 

And don’t forget that Lau competed in the 2019 Fresh Water Pro, which gives him a major advantage over his Ultimate Surfing counterparts. The guy has been here before; he knows how to read the tides, which peak to sit on, and which sets he can pass on. Dolphins etc.

I know it’s not over yet, but I strongly believe that Zeke Lau is going to win this thing.

Oi vey, Episode 7. Can’t wait to have my Tuesday nights back.

It’s quiet, only 6 people left.

Jesse man sexy pants asks over the loud speaker, “What do football and surfing have in common?”

He has prepared a combine, but for surfing. Our contestants will have a 40-yard splash, duck diving obstacles along the way. Then, they’ll have to squeeze into a wetsuit on a floating platform and paddle back to shore — a full suit during the summer in Lemoore, what a treat.

The winners get 2 extra waves, 2nd place gets 1 extra wave, last place gets the cry. In this world, the cry is always free.

The men, who are all from Hawaii and don’t neoprene often, are off. Koa and Zeke are neck and neck; Kai is taking his time. The fellas start suiting up. Koa makes it back to shore first, then Zeke, then Kai. 

Big problem, though. Koa’s wetsuit isn’t fully on. One of his feet is only halfway down the leg sleeve part, uh oh. 


Zeke wins, Kai gets 2nd. Koa has a long talk with his little piggies. Cry remains free.

The ladies are up now. Malia is out for blood and bumps Brianna on the way into the water. They’re colliding, scrapping, and touching elbows. Drama? Yes, yes, this is drama.

Tia puts on her suit remarkably fast, finishing first. Malia follows behind shortly after, then Brianna.

Tia and Zeke win two extra waves, as well as electric skateboards. Very cool!

Ti and Bri talk about Malia’s poking of the bear. They’re not scared.

Kelly vision is back. The second time he’s been on the TV today, nice.

Best maneuver challenge. Airs, rotations, rodeos; bring something spicy.

A surfer appears to be flying down the line of a sudden Surf Ranch wave.

Filipe Toledo! Malia refers to him as a surf god. His hair is black, and he’s going to help our surfers practice.

Nobody lands an air, so Filipe reviews the footage. Widen your stance, step it up, go for it, be patient, be generally better at surfing because one of you is going to win a wildcard to compete against me on the CT, etc.

My leg, which is folded underneath my relatively new Macbook (I have a crypto portfolio), starts cramping. It cuts to a commercial, and I drink water for the first since the morning.

Semi-final wave challenge time.

Joel is ready for some biiiiiiiig lofty punts.

Brianna is up first, does a top turn blow tail thingy and gets a 7.33.

Malia is up next and fumbles a backside air. The second wave includes big float attempt, but she can’t hang on. Two 4’s won’t do her no good.

Tia now has 3 chances. First wave, she does a big vertical snap for an 8.93. She only needed one. Tia will see the final episode of the Ultimate Surfer. Malia and Brianna will go to the surf off.

Koa is next with only one attempt. Frontside air reverse, sticks it for a 7.00.

Kai is up next, but falls before the air section on his first run. He goes for a kerrupt flip on his second chance but fails.

Zeke has 3 chances. Throw tail reverse on the first attempt is no good. His second wave includes an alley-oop, but he can’t hang on. Last chance, last wave. One moment. Right here, right now, right after this commercial.

We’re back, and Zeke sticks a fat (phat) frontside alley-oop with a clean clean landing. 9.63

Another secret bonus for the winners, according to Jesse. Zeke and Tia get to give an extra wave to a surfer of their choice for the surf off. Tia and Brianna hug immediately.  Zeke gives the bonus to Koa because Kai is just too unpredictable.

Malia goes first and falls about halfway through her run.

Brianna blows her first attempt, but connects the dots on her second chance. Not looking good for queen Malia.

Kai is up next with a collection of snaps, a deep pit, and a roundhouse cutty to finish. Well done, Mr. Barger.

Koa falls during an air attempt on his first wave. Run #2, however, comes with multiple hacks, 2 barrels, and a low-flying backhand reverse.

Brianna advances to the final, as well as Koa.

Zeke isn’t going to lose, he says so.

Kai and Malia go home.

This will be longest 7 days of my life.

See you next week.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Joyride Board Test: The Haydenshapes Hypto Krypto Twin

Critically examining one of the hottest new boards on the market.

Oct 20, 2021

How An American’s Entrepreneurial Spirit Built One The Greatest Surf Accessory Labels Out Of A Workshop In Yallingup, Western Australia

Mick, Steph, & Jake Paterson tell the story of Creatures founder, John Malloy.

Oct 20, 2021

Why We’ll Always Catch One Down The Beach

The Misc: To the left of the stand.

Oct 20, 2021

The Highest & Flyest Performance-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Rinse off the hangover and shoot for the sky.

Oct 19, 2021


Lower Trestles From Unusual Angles Ft. Kolohe, Griffin, And Co.

So much for Stagnant Ambition.

Oct 19, 2021

Are Surfboards Made To Fail?

Industry insiders open up about whether or not boards are intentionally fragile, thus driving repeat…

Oct 18, 2021


A 14-Year-Old Ladybird Takes On Solid Nias & Desert Point

Bela Nalu will go.

Oct 18, 2021

Premium Peek: Torrey Meister Tempts Fate In ‘Grit n Water’

What's scarier — bull riding or big wave surfing?

Oct 17, 2021


Someone Sponsor This Kid

Eimeo Czermak is an animal who consistently delivers jaw-dropping clips.

Oct 17, 2021


Palatable Portuguese Wedges With Mason Ho

Washed down with a pink cosmo and Franchesinha.

Oct 16, 2021

Did You Know The WSL Has A Pension Fund?

CT surfers post-2014 have a nice chunk of cash waiting for them after they retire.

Oct 16, 2021

Stab Podcast: Is Huntington Beach A More Exciting Contest Venue Than Ericeira?

Surf sins, a rundown of this week’s surf cinema, and an unpopular opinion from the…

Oct 15, 2021

The WSL’s 2022 Season Wildcards Revealed

Pray for Matthew McGillivray.

Oct 15, 2021


Dylan Graves Explores The Topics Of Race And Inclusivity In Surfing

“If you know it’s wrong, say something.”

Oct 15, 2021

Watch: Episode 2 of Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Broken bones, KFC/meat pie collabs, 'feary' river mouth swims, and incredible kneelo tubes.

Oct 15, 2021


Kolohe Andino Is Doubling Down On Surf Films

"I want to give the world my view of how surfing should be perceived."

Oct 14, 2021


Jordy Smith Was Stuck In Hawaii For The Best Late-Season Run In Memory

"It was 6-8 foot for weeks straight. I surfed Pipe with one other guy out."

Oct 14, 2021

What Happened To All The Surf Gangs?

Times have changed, for good or ill.

Oct 14, 2021