Did Australia Forget How To Paddle?
A recent swell has raised questions about Australians’ upper-body strength and/or mental fortitude.
A late-autumn swell hammered Australia’s east coast last weekend, providing days of overhead surf and stiff offshores.
Typically, swells of this nature incite something of a national holiday in Australia. The Vegemite factory is closed, incompetent barbers everywhere drop their shears, and the entire population heads coastward in nutrient-deficient pick-ups with freshly waxed JSes, DHDs, and NPJs stuffed in the boot.
This time, there was just one problem. Australians forgot how to paddle.
Not you too, Stace!
Have a scroll through Instagram, and among the thousands of sand- and occasionally reef-bottomed tubes that were excavated last week in Australia, you’ll find that only a handful were caught by traditional methods (i.e. paddling).
The rest? Well, surfers can thank Japan’s premiere adult toy brand, Yamaha, for some motorized assistance.
Anything for a cheap thrill, right?
From this side of the Pacific, it’s impossible to know whether a hyper-contagious, upper-body-specific parasite has infected the shoulders, pecs, and biceps of the Australian surfing nation, or if they were just too lazy to manually position themselves and paddle into slightly overhead waves sans artificial energy.
Built atop the mountainous shoulders of Tom Carroll, Mick Campbell, and Glen Hall, it would be uncharacteristic of Aussie surf culture to take the easy way out. So we’ll have to assume it’s the parasite option.
But don’t worry, guys. We have reason to believe that the antibodies necessary to defeat this plague live within one of your own.
His name is Tim Dickson.
Long Read: An Angel At My Table
From Stab Issue 15, October 2006: Chris Davidson has one more shot at the big…
Watch: Kalani David’s Last Dance
A final surf part from the Hawaiian surf/skate prodigy.
Taylor Steele Won’t Let Surf Filmmaking Die Without a Fight
Movies shown, filmmaking advice, punk rock at the 2022 Solento Surf Festival.
Wait, Are We Going To See Moana Jones In The Olympics At Teahupo’o?
Team USA (women) and Japan (men) should be able to choose anyone they want to…
Donald Brink and Matt Biolos Win Mick Fanning’s Electric Acid Surfboard Test
And we had a party in Oceanside to celebrate.
Kanoa Igarashi and Kirra Pinkerton Answer Call Of Duty, Win Medals Of Honor In 2022 ISA World Games
Teams Japan, USA, and France move into Victor’s Village.
The Best Euro Surf Trips That Mightn’t Be On Your Radar
Want to know which less-trodden nation offers the most potential?
Former CT Surfer Chris Davidson Passes Away At Age 45
A radical life tragically ends outside a bar in New South Wales.
The Team Ukraine Interview
“There are mines near the shore, and already a lot of people have died…so it’s…
Mormaii Founder Raided By Brazilian Feds On Suspicion Of Plotting Against Democracy
Curiously, he's the second surf brand founder to become entangled in a political scandal of…
The Electric Acid Surfboard Test With Mick Fanning, Episode 4
There are three boards left. Which one is Mick taking home?
Photos: Welcome To Vans Stab High Indonesia, Presented By Monster Energy
Welcome to Lakey Peak. Now do airs.
Taro Watanabe Is The Love Child Of Your Favorite 80’s Surfers
Watch his new edit 'Sonic Youth' now.
The Four-Finned, Carbon-Wrapped, Vacuum-Bagged Board That Won The 2022 World Title
The minds behind Sharp Eye and Dark Arts break down Filipe's winning plank.