California Governor Singles Out Orange County For Beach Closures And Increased Precautionary Orders

It was widely believed that during today’s lunchtime presser, California Governor Gavin Newsom would bring the hammer down on beaches and state parks from Oregon to Mexico. 

A law enforcement bulletin was leaked to an investigative reporters yesterday, which pointed to State-wide beach closures after the weekend’s unprecedented crowding under stay at home and self-isolation orders. While those in Orange County and the rest of Southern California freaked out or made attempts at reasonable arguments (names that a telephoto long lens with its barrel pointed at any beach is going to look crowded). 

Meanwhile, Northern California wasn’t having it, as Humboldt County sheriff William Honsai  o eloquently expresed to ABC 7 today. 

“As Sheriff, I am the protector of constitutional rights in Humboldt County, and if an order is issued that I believe violates our constitutional rights, I will not enforce it.”

““The governor is a smart man,” Honsal continued. “I hope he follows sound advice. It is not okay to punish Northern California for Southern California’s mistake, and I hope he hears that loud and clear.”

And maybe he did. During today’s press conference Newsom surprised Californians with what he called “some clarifications.”

“We’re going to do a hard close in that part of the state, the Orange County area.”

And so there you have it. You thought San Diego was an angry little surf town? Wait ’til the Gov’s office feels the burn from behind the Orange Curtain. 

You can watch Gov. Newsom’s press briefing here. 

Oh, and speaking of “O.C. Life,” you can listen to the monumentally underrated D.I.’s Ancient Artifacts, here, including perhaps the greatest Orange County anti-anthem ever written. 

Wanna be a member wanna be a name
Wanna be a local face and play the social games
Dancing through a time warp in your dinosaur trends
The limits of your mind is where the County line ends
Listen to the media and accepting as a fact
Following its orders ‘cause you don’t know how to act
Travel in a straight line ‘cause you don’t know another way
They’ll get you in the end, you’ll have your hell to pay

‘Cause O.C. life is not the life for me
Stupid little chicks and egotistic boys
O.C. life is not the life so free
Pressure’s on my back and artificial joys – for you girls and boys

Wanna be remembered, wanna have some fame
Fighting to stay ahead – it’s all a part of the game
Combat authority but don’t get out of line
They’ll put you in the slammer
You’ll be doing some time
“714” tattooed on my head
I find myself labeled, I’m a victim instead
Abide by the rules, I don’t see the way
I’d rather be dead than have the price that they pay

‘Cause O.C. life is not the life for me
Stupid little girls and egotistic fags
O.C. life is not the life so free
Pressure’s on my back
And artificial joys for you girls and boys

Put the plastic right in the machine!