Stab Magazine | Arguing Points: Drug Aware Pro

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Arguing Points: Drug Aware Pro

Important questions inside. Eg: Are millennial sharks plaguing Western Australia? 

news // Apr 11, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The best part of surfing is the fact that it teleports us to some wild mental paradise where the raped and abused word “zen” fails to even come close to defining.

But, the second best part is that it is entirely subjective. There’s no goal. No net. No wrong. No right….actually, there are rights. Some of them even transitioned from being lefts, in a subtle ode to Peter Drouyn’s transition to Westerly Windina. We’re talking about Margaret River’s Main Break here. And talking is fun. But arguing is more fun!

So let’s try something. I’m gonna rattle off the best things to talk about after the Drug Aware Pro and hit you with my take on them. Let’s argue!

1. Does this event belong on tour?
I’ve viewed WA as simultaneously one of the best surf trips on the planet and one of the worst events on tour since its QS upgrade in 2014. There are a tonne of sick waves there. But it’s all so day-to-day — the logistics of doing it right would make Kieren Perrow’s handsome yet skinny head explode. Apparently, the WSL wants to cut the Oz leg down to two events next year, so it’s safe to say this one officially joins the D.A.R.E. program as a failed attempt to raise drug awareness amongst minors.

2. Will John John lose?
That question might feel incomplete, like it needs additional terms or something. It’s not. It’s there. Based on the edits he’s been dropping from WA and his rampage on the final day, it’s clear that John is at a level of surfing that nobody else has ever touched let alone fondled. What’s weird is the fact that he hasn’t yet acquired that Slater-esque unbeatability. This is probably the year he gets that.

3. Can I surf better than Sally Fitzgibbons?
This is a question that, I’m assuming, has plagued a lot of us for a while. You wake up every morning, look in the mirror and think Do I surf better than Sally Fitzgibbons? The real tragedy here is that you’ll never get the answer. You’ll never surf a heat against her. You’ll never know the truth. But as I write this, four out of the last six surf photos she posted on Instagram were bottom turns, and when you watch the heat analyser, you just KNOW you got that final.

4. Are sharks pussies?
From what I hear, there have been shark sightings nearly every day at the main breaks (not to be confused with Main Break) in WA. Which raises the question: are sharks pussies now? I think so. Not trying to get too scientific but Great Whites typically breed between the ages of 15-26 — I think what we’re facing here folks is a generation of millennial sharks that are too pussy to bite anything.

5. When is it appropriate to stop talking about Kelly Slater winning another Title?
Everybody loves this. I love this! COULD 45-YEAR-OLD KELLY SLATER WIN ANOTHER WORLD TITLE??? The answer here is no. He can’t. He’s 45. But I still feel like this should always be a thing. It should loom out there like a cumulus cloud until the end of surfing. Like, when Eli Hanneman has all but clinched the 2023 World Title, there should be someone out there that says yeah…but Kelly could come back and nobody should argue. I don’t want to live in a world where the GOAT can’t GOAT.


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