A Horde Of Cops Storm Malibu With Guns Drawn

Today, at Malibu, suicide by police was one man’s terrible goal. A fine Californian day it was. The first significant south swell of the summer was peaking and the UV’s were penetrating. Every man, women, child, dog, and transient was sipping in the summer. ‘Cept, the cops had their guns drawn. They stormed the beach and posted behind lifeguard towers — locked and loaded. The scene was as strange as the day was beautiful. Welcome to the United States of Emergency! Entertainment in its sickest yet sincerest form.

Trace Marshall, of the Brothers Marshall, will tell this LA drama from here:

“It’s been flat all summer,” Trace tells Stab. “Everyone’s all eggy, it’s great. This is the first south swell we’ve had. Well, at least for Malibu to break properly because the point’s been fucked up from the creek restoration project they did.

“Over the last couple years there’s been this contingent of people that live out of their cars that are posted out in Malibu. Which is crazy because before, growing up surfing Malibu my whole life, when we were kids smoking a joint or drinking a beer on the beach was a big deal. They were very strict but now people are living out of their cars. There are guys that have little camps set up in the parking lot at Malibu. Like three vans joined together with towels and blankets covering it.

“So there was a dude posted up under a tarp by the lifeguard tower at First Point. It was kinda like his little bunker. This whole swell he’s been going in and out of it while sipping on vodka. So the guy is in there sipping vodka and this other guy rolls up to him and then starts telling the lifeguard that he has a gun and he’s going to kill himself. They didn’t know whether or not to believe him because he was pretty spun out.

“About thirty minutes later I went up to the lifeguard tower to grab my stuff to go leave and there were literally cops rolling up the beach, spread out combing through the crowd with guns drawn. The one dude who warned the lifeguard was down on the shoreline trying to calm him down like, “Hey man, come here.” Meanwhile, the spun out guy was telling him how he was going to pull a gun out and put it on the cops so they’d kill him. He said he wanted to kill himself but didn’t want to do it himself so he was going to have the cops do it. He kept repeating that.

“This is the middle of summer at Malibu Beach. It’s always crazy! So the cops go down the beach towards Second Point. They finally stop, wrestle the guy who I guess ditched the gun. I don’t know if they found it or not. And then his buddy, the guy who was talking him down, started fighting the cops. So the cops tased him. Next thing you know, there are two guys on the ground arrested and it was just a fucking scene. 

“I’ve always said Malibu is the beacon for everything if you’re tapped into it. Venice is a little more of a tourist attraction but Malibu I swear to god attracts the craziest people and has forever. It’s the ultimate melting pot. 

“It’s like a hybrid of Donald Trump and gutter punks and Burning Man… and Gidget.”