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We promise this won't (really) hurt.

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Sally Fitzgibbons is Crazy Stupid Hot

And those Tan Lines? You crafty gorgeous charlatan! Enslave us!

Interview by Derek Rielly
Photos by Richard Freeman

Extra credits:
Producer: Susie McIntosh
Stylist: Nadene Duncan @ DLM
Hair and make-up: Charlie Kielty @ RPR
Sally Fitzgibbons - Roxy Ambassador
Twitter: @Sally_Fitz

Ain’t the world tour for gals something else. An eye-blink a go, it was fierce and furious and y’wouldn’t call it pretty. Nowawdays, with Ms Enever, Ms Gilmore, Ms Moore and Ms Fitz winging and swinging, it’s cuter than any single time in God’s history.

Stab has always held Ms Fitzgibbons in divine awe.

And, therefore, it was in a mechanical daze that we interviewed the almost 21 year old on the Indonesian island of Nusa Lembongan as another Stab fav, Nick Morley, cut, tugged and styled her timeless balayage hair.

STAB: I’m going to ask some real heavy-hittin’ questions if that’s ok. Tell me: y’like tan lines? We sure do.
MS FITZ: I’ve got tan lines! I’ve grown up as a wetsuit kid and so when I come to the tropics, I’m in bikinis and when the waves are good I’m always in boardshorts. This gets me into a little bit of drama with the tan line police because when I take my bikini off and boardies, I still look like I’ve got a bikini on – a white one. I’m going to be in Indo for the next couple of weeks so you know I’m going to get my bronze on.

Honey, tan lines are the most fashionable things ever! Really? You’re lying!

It’s high-fashion, seventies supermodel chic. Anyone can buy an all-over spray tan. Oh really? So, it’s a demonstration of authenticity!

Authentic and wild and divine! Awww, then I’m in luck.

You’ve got the cutest damn accent. Tell me about it. Y’know when people say you’ve got an accent but you can’t hear it? And you go to, say, America and you think you’re fitting in, but then you say something and they pick you up on it? There’s definitely an Australian English.  Sometimes I tell a story and I know I’m losing people after a couple of sentences. I guess it’s unique. People always find me interesting to listen to.

May I say, your accent has changed so much. I remember you describing a wave once a few years ago and…so broad… so infused with elongated vowels! Has it changed? A lot?

Of course it has. You’re worldly now, kiddo. Now tell me about what a competitive devil you are. I don’t like to be overly competitive but it’s been built into me! I grew up with three older brothers! You compete over everything. Like, in the backyard, you bet on everything. If you don’t make the shot you have to do this or that. I love a good challenge. I love something I can’t do and keep trying until I do it.

Is your stomach your crowning glory, even though it’s not a crown? What things do you do to it? After I injured my back on my first year on tour I wanted to make sure my core was really strong and…ha!… I guess it shaped itself.

Do you do like a zillion situps and hours of planks? Ha! Planks…hmmph… Swiss balls… y’gotta keep it super strong so when you throw yourself into a crazy position your back doesn’t go. Being injured and not being able to surf is the worst feeling.

I’ve spent a few decades accumulating fat. Out of personal interest, if I want to see them abs, do I gotta lay off the nasty food? Awww! Y’gotta limit those super greasy foods. It builds up. It depends on where you store your fat, but I guess, if you want ‘em, exercise and eating super healthy.

Y’like to drink?  No, I don’t drink.

How about a little champagne after another competitive triumph? I love spraying champagne and I love going out but I haven’t got into drinking.

Champagne showers are the best! A lot of the girls say that if I win a world title I’ve definitely gotta drink the  champagne outta the cup.

So you will booze if you win the crown? It’ll have to be on the cards. But, in the meantime, it’s a lifestyle choice – to enjoy going out and partying and not drinking.

Jamie O’Brien made a similar lifestyle choice. The red-haired hottie said he wouldn’t touch liquor until he won the Pipe Masters. Then he did and he hasn’t looked back. And his personality improved! From drab teetotaler to the life of every single party! And it was all downhill from there!

Uphill! He’s so much better in conversation now! I was joking!

Tell me about the world title thing. People tell me it was very close this year. Three contests apiece tween you and Ms Moore. What are you going to do to cave in Carissa’s skull next year? The title defintely needs to be rolled back to Australia. No good having it over there in Hawaii.

Are you a lil crazy in the water? Do you hassle? Do you growl? I’m mellow. I grew up in Gerroa (on the NSW South Coast) so I like my own space. If there’s an uncrowded peak, I’m on that. I like catching a lot of waves in the session so I’ll hunt around on the inside. In the water, I only hassle if I’m being hassled or if it’s do or die.

You’re a smiling assassin! I am a smiling assassin, alright!

(I ask Sally about the cutest boys on tour and to rate the top five. The top four includes Dan Ross, Kai Otton, Kelly Slater and Ace Buchan, but when Julian Wilson is mentioned,  Ms Fitz lights up…) You’ve gotta put Julian in there! He’s like the…y’know… the standout.

I would say he is the most beautiful 21-year-old in the world, man or woman. He’s very sought after. All the girls come to the events, they don’t come to watch the surfing, they come to watch Julian. They always ask the question, where’s Julian?

I wonder, do you have a motto? Here Now and This Moment. We use it a lot in training. Don’t think too far ahead and dream.

What’s your biggest cringe? I hate kicking my toes running to the surf. I always kick my toes. The worst cringe ever!

What’s your main fault? My very sexy feet. They’re worn and I did a lot of running when I was young so they’re beat up. I’m not going to be a foot model.

What’s your biggest virtue? What’s an example? Honesty, loyalty, discipline. Hmmmm…fun…

That’s a v good choice. I say this because I believe that anyone that can go out, dance, mingle and tremble, and not be boozed to do so is vastly superior to the rest of us drones. Now, tell me, what’s the best phone call you’ve ever received?  I got invited to go to Parliament when the Queen came to Australia.

What did you say to our head of state? I was in Barbados! But, it was one of those special calls.

I can’t believe you blew off the Queen’s invite! I saved the invite.

What’s your favourite food? Mango and chocolate cake. Awww, so yum, when it melts and it oozes…

Stop it! I’ll never get abs! Hey, are you aware of your own sporting mortality? How short a time you actually have to perform and win? Well, the awesome thing about surfing is you can have the longest career you wanna have, depending how your body holds up. Look at Kelly. Eleven! Y’just gotta ride out the ebbs and flows.

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