Mean Gal! (Which Anastasia Ashley ain’t)

Anastasia Ashley is a 26-year-old pro surfer and part-time model from San Clemente in California. Her middle years were spent riding the highly coloured big waves of Oahu’s North Shore. It was there she developed enough of a game to compete, with more than some success, at pro surf meets including first place in the Pipeline Pro (for gals) a couple of years ago. She finished second there last year and is among the favourites to wrench the tiara back in March 2014. The reader interrupts: Jesus, get to the ass! Bump it! Bump it! Of course! You know Anastasia, and this ain’t a guess, from her famous twerking vid which went pandemic a few months back. Six million views. Ten thousand thumbs up, a meagre one thousand gave it the thumbs down. Maybe you were one. (Oh you queen!) In response to the clip, which was shot at the Supergirl Pro in Oceanside, CA, the most pious of an already pious surf media, competed to see who could be the cruellest. The Inertia! Surfer! Attacking her sex with vehemence and seriousness. And, yet, in Surfer magazine’s case, not much later, awarding their gal surfer of the year in 2013 to another ass-clapping beauty, Ms Alana Blanchard from Kauai. What frightens the world so much about the joy of sex? Of the rare elements of genetic code and environment that works so hard together to create such magical shapes? If Anastasia’s ass could be plugged into some kind of hypto-bumpto generator, it would cut our power bills in half. So much electricity! Feel the vibration! Bump it! In this spread, Anastasia eats hot dog with LA photographer The Cobrasnake aka Mark Hunter. Cobra is rad. But did we put her in the hand of a fiend? “Oh no,” says Anastasia, speaking from Hawaii. “He’s not a creeper. I swear guys take up photography to get girls. But I love Cobrasnake.” And where to next for the fabulous AA? “Top secrets, baby!” And she purrs when she says this, I swear. “Let’s just say you’re on the bandwagon…before…” We later learned that she meant “before” this.